Archive: Mar 2002
Green fires all, takes command
Dean of The College has taken on three new positions at The College after firing Director of Residential Life Logan Hazen, interim Dean of Students at The College Jody Asbury and Professor of Political Science Gerald Gamm. The firings bring the total number of fired employees to 86 this week."THEY ALL FOUND BETTER POSITIONS ELSEWHERE. […]
Rash of vigils sweeps through UR campus
Once upon a time a memorial vigil was held for leaving UR administrators.The event was presented by the Committee for Cool Administration at Upstate New York Colleges. "The whole UR community was just enraged and we wanted to offer some healing with this memorial service," President of CCAUNYC and Provost Charles Phelps said.The vigil began […]
UR makes tuition ree for everyone
Tuition will be eliminated for students attending The College and School of Nursing. The move was an about-face for UR, who for years has increased tuition inexorbantent amounts in the past 15 years, stealing your money.Once apon a time, President Thomas Jackson announced the change with a one-sentence statement. "It's a party and everyone's invited," […]
Security mistaken in Little Red Riding Hood incident
Once upon a time, UR security reversed its previous statement that a person found intoxicated at the Sigma Epsilon Chi fraternity house was a 14-year-old girl known as "Little Red Riding Hood." Upon further investigation the suspect was found not to be wearing a red cap, and was not little, even by the farthest stretches […]
Beatle hangs out in Wilson Commons
Assistant Director of Student Activities George Morrison has left the university to embark on an international tour after revealing to the UR community that he is, in fact, George Harrison, the youngest Beatle."Despite my fatherly appearance and cute pattern baldness, I really am George Harrison," Morrison said, while noodling on his sitar. "Why doesn't anyone […]
Store of children found in Harkness
A store of over a hundred first-born children was found in the top floor of Harkness Hall, last Thursday.The children ? ranging in age from nine months to three years ? have been identified as the offspring of numerous political science majors who have graduated since Professor of Political Science Gerald Rumplestiltsgamm became chair of […]
We were wrong
Yes, you heard us right ? we admit we were wrong and are planning on correcting our grievious errors. First and foremost of our list of things we've changed our mind on is freshman housing. Bringing all of the freshmen together in one concentrated area is the best thing you could have done for the […]
Too much spirit
The question on everyone's mind recently has been "Does UR care too much?" With the recent rash of nice comments, huge turn-out at basketball games in China, overwhelming crowds in the Hive and world-changing vigils it is hard not to think that UR students are far too motivated.Huge shows of support for sports teams have […]
Acts of friendliness found at UR
Once upon a time, early Thursday morning, a ten-foot long smiley face was written in the snow on the Residential Quad in front of Crosby. This was only one of a series of acts of kindness that have ravished the campus in recent weeks.When told of the most recent incident, Dean of The College William […]
SAAC ranked first and in debt
After participating in tournaments throughout the year, the Students' Association Appropriations Committee found itself ranked first in the nation among money-controlling bodies.In order to keep the possibility for a first-place ranking, SAAC participated in additional tournaments throughout the year, which caused an added financial strain on the group.SAAC went in front of itself, asking for […]