Assistant Director of Student Activities George Morrison has left the university to embark on an international tour after revealing to the UR community that he is, in fact, George Harrison, the youngest Beatle.
“Despite my fatherly appearance and cute pattern baldness, I really am George Harrison,” Morrison said, while noodling on his sitar. “Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”
Morrison will also release a new album, which includes “Give Freshman Housing a Chance,” “A Hard Wilson Day’s Night,” “Tuitionman” and “Cultural Programming Eight Days a Week.”
“I’ll miss running the Common Market, but my fans need me,” Morrison said. “Screaming girls, here I come!” Morrison will be headlining with the SA’s graphic artist, otherwise known as Ray “McCartney” MacConnell.
University Despot William Green met with Morrison shortly before his departure.
“You aren’t the real George Harrison,” Green shouted “Don’t try to fool me ? I am omnipotent, not to mention scary. I’m firing you and making myself the new assistant director of student activities.” Green then checked Morrison into Strong Memorial Hospital for a brief mental examination.
Morrison proceeded to escape and streak through a classroom in Hutchison Hall wearing nothing but his underwear.
“It’s obvious he’s the real Harrison,” said junior Tori Sweetser, a student in the CSC 625 class. “That boyish charm just gives him away.”
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