Satire

Her Name Was Rosemary! She Was an “It”-Girl!

What have we gained from this? I ask this genuinely, because I do not know. If we are Sisyphus, Party School is our rock.

Gender vs. God: Tips and tricks to escape the vengeful hand of a benevolent omnipotent being

Passover is underway, and if you are unlucky enough to be male, goy, and firstborn, it is a truly terrifying time indeed.

A message from David Byrne

Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government.

Same soup, just reheated: the URTV soup story

“The main reaction was confusion.” What they really learned, adds Chang, is “before anyone can know anything, they always ask, ‘What flavor?’”

Chat GPT reviews the Campus Times

The Campus Times is a student-run newspaper that has been serving the University of Rochester community since 1873. The newspaper…

ELVIS WINS BEST PICTURE! LUHRMANN MISSES DICAPRIO!

Austin Butler won an Oscar for his role in “Elvis,” but there must have been someone,  or something, missing for Luhrmann. My guess is Leonardo DiCaprio.

CT presents: “The Slacker”

It takes a lot to be lame on the Internet, but man, these guys sure are trying. All roses will be awarded via emoticon.

Campus Times makes terrible mistake, allows asexual man to write Valentine’s Day article*

Now, with the versatile new Nintendo Switch™ console, I can finally experience true emotional intimacy. And you can, too, for just $299.99!

Help, my roommate took ECON 108!

I was willing to overlook the basic annoyances, such as his grumbling “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” when we’d pass food being given out.

“Stay slaying, sexies”

Having any fun? You want to? I may be busy ruling over the school with a limp wrist and iron fist, but I’ll always have time for you.