Humor
extremely funny and relatable
Extremely funny and relatable humor article
This was The Funniest Article. Ever. and I was just so impressed by my own writing that I couldn’t help but to share it with everyone.
epidemic
Washing machine woes: Tide Pods
There have been numerous reports of hardened and shriveled blue gel-plastic on clothes of all shapes and sizes, an ominous sign of a Tide Pod gone horribly wrong.
February
A timely love letter to February
Although you happen to be the shortest month of the year, it feels like forever since you first arrived. Before we return to the monotony of 30 or 31-day months again, I just wanted to write this just to thank you for your visit and reminisce about some wonderful memories.
bowl
How to celebrate the Super Bowl like a pro
The Super Bowl was actually a 24-hour-long celebration of foods served in humanity’s greatest invention known as the bowl.
baby
Baby presses charges against mother for being born
the birth was so unsatisfactory that the plaintiff received auditory and visual trauma from the disgust and harassment from the doctors, as well as sustained neglect from the mother subsequent to their birth.
music
A letter to my guitar
Ever since I bought you with my hard-earned money, you’ve brought me nothing but joy. Unlike couples who argue and fight, I can always enjoy your company.
Danforth
The downfall of the plateocracy
Now, forks are able to be reunited with families. Plates are able to go home after decades in the kitchen. Spoons are able to live life on the dry-side, no longer submerged in sloppily executed imitations of soups and sauces.
groundhog
Groundhog Day
as per the groundhog way of life, students will be required to return to their dorms immediately after the ceremony and hibernate until the first dandelion (a groundhog’s delicacy) sprouts from the ground.
articles
‘Well-informed’ opinion once again submitted without any sources
In a society full of rampant misinformation and blatantly biased news sources, the Campus Times is proud to work with extremely well-researched opinion articles that are submitted without any references to sources.