For members of the Campus Times, Sundays are usually a hectic conglomeration of restructuring paragraphs, debating the usage of italics or the proper time and place for an Oxford comma, and adding to the caffeine-induced, sleep-deprived, out-of-context quotations to the corkboard that makes up the office’s quote wall.
But this schedule was interrupted Sunday, March 30, when seven elected staff members suddenly declared their immediate resignations from the newspaper.
Three-and-seven-tenths of an hour into production, Eva Naik (formerly Opinions Editor), Brian Ly (formerly Humor Editor), and Sherene Yang (formerly Publisher) abruptly stood up from their wanna-be-beanbags and swivel chairs, linked arms, and marched out of the office into the wilderness of the Wilson Commons Pit.
“I’ve been working with other people’s opinions for so long I don’t have any opinions left of my own!” Naik told the Campus Times. “What’s my favorite color? Do I prefer Pit pizza or Douglass pizza? I don’t know!”
Upon arriving at the Pit, Naik bought two slices of cheese pizza and determined with a broad, grease-coated smile that Pit pizza was better.
Shocked by the scene, Eli Texcucano declared that they, too, would resign in the wake of a limited staff.
Yang and Ly offered ultimatums for their conditions on remaining in the club. Yang, who was incensed at what she called the “deceptiveness” of her title, stated that she will only remain in the Campus Times if she gets to live up to her title and actually publish articles. Similarly, Ly broke from decades of Campus Times precedence and insisted that his position be renamed “Humour Editor”.
Copy Chief Katie Jarvis’s eyes darkened with fury when she heard Ly’s demands.
“Just because humor editors get to joke around in articles doesn’t mean they get to do it in real life!” she protested. “If the section is renamed ‘Humour’ — I’m out!”
She threw her navy blue Campus Times hat onto the floor and glared icily at me, a humble reporter simply doing my ethical reporting responsibility, before letting forth a barrage of insults claiming that I was an “unctuous journalist who can’t tell a preposition from a conjunction.”
“And your section!” she cried, “What’s next? ‘Snews’? No one’s doing their job around here!”
As News Editor, I would like to acknowledge and refute Jarvis’ accusations of Campus Times reporters sleeping on the job. We are responsible and professional! We would never sleep while working, regardless of how many nights we’ve stayed up in a row, regardless of how many campus crises we have to cover, regardless of having to skip class and miss assignments to dedicate time to the newspaper…
You know what? That’s it.
My bed has been calling, and I’m finally opening my ears.
I quit.
Best,
Natalie Opdahl
Former News Editor for the Campus Times
Currently ‘snewsing’
