UR Joking

Puddle-palooza!

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been sneak-attacked by a puddle on my treks across campus. A puddle.

Pep-less in Seattle

If greatness, achievement, or Ohio State’s Best Damn Band In The Land tickles your fancy, ditch those high hopes for rugby and a worn-out kazoo.

“Love? In THIS economy?”

In a nation crumbling under political strife and the imminent threat of global warming, there’s clearly one issue that should take precedence above all others: my love life.

Coffee! The all natural pick-me-up!

Due tomorrow does in fact mean do tomorrow.

Drugging myself for fun and profit

I’m not a quitter anymore: I’m a starter. And I’m starting right now. Drugs, that is.

Hot single mascots in your area NOW

Of the two, Tony’s the bear and Chester’s the twink (non-derogatory, and quite enthusiastically, in fact). Different kitties for different tastes.

Slippery slope: more than just a fallacy

Despite ice being obviously not snow, members of the skiing club simply did not care, calling it close enough.

The ‘Raw Laef’ lament

Me, trundling by you in the haet and swaet of a post-9-to-5 commute. You, a fucked-up misspelled storefront sign.

Dozens pharbified in Eastman Quad terror attack, WRUR suspected culprit

All that could be heard was the sound of Phoebe Bridgers’s “Funeral,” distorted by the wind and the just-audible sobs of pharbified students crying in the bushes.

Life and college students: a mutual hatred

It’s been a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. I hate everyone and everyone hates me. I crawl into bed at 8 p.m., face my pillow, and scream into the void.