UR Joking
migration
The great mosquito migration
The first mosquito explorer has officially discovered a new island habitable to all mosquitolings. This day marks a big occasion for all mosquito-kind, as this island means paradise.
babies
Candy stolen from babies at Strong Memorial Hospital
Currently, officials suspect that the robbers took the candy using a stolen utility ladder and glass-breaking power tools to enter through the back window.
moving furniture
Mysterious moaning in Sue B. turns out not to be ghost
the only “paranormal” activity they found was a half empty bottle of wine, a couple ruffled sheets, and two nervous students insisting that they were just “rearranging furniture.”
Campus Times copy
Email blast from the distant past
I am becoming frailer and frailer day by day (I have had a cold since Thursday and I'm being a big baby about it).
books
Dos and don’ts of befriending your neighborhood performative male
To make sure the man you have identified is indeed a performative male, make sure to look for the three Ls: Look-at-me energy, Lattes, and Loafers.
Christmas
‘Twas a long night in Gleason
’Twas a long night in Gleason, when all through the room / Not a person was stirring, a silence of gloom.
Alumni
The birth, life, and death of a Campus Times editor
Their voice begins to get higher and higher when, finally, they explode into rays of light and a Campus Times Editor is born.
meliora
Meliora Weekend gets ever worse
At this point, I realized that it was pointless to run. The only way for this disaster to end was to sacrifice myself.
big back
Food package party: “big-backing”
It’s all just a marketing scheme to steal money from us poor consumers and give them to Big Chip.
aramark
University divests from prison labor, cites excessive costs
Saving money is no easy task for the newly self-operational UR Dining Services — especially when trying to fill the non-slip shoes of a company famous for its lax policies regarding labor, health, and safety.
