UR Joking
coming back in style
Application for Coloring Times Opinions Section
Our most relevant collective qualifications include having held the Opinions Editor position along with other positions in the CT before, in addition to being unintentionally funny AND people-pleasers to our own detriment. Read More
April Fools
Diary of an American traveler
“There was so much to explore and experience, and I was lucky enough to get to fly to Finland from Peru and see the northern lights." Read More
campus
Campus Rat
As yet another April rolls around, I have a confession. I, Ratty Scarvis, one of the rats that roams the dorms and lecture halls of this school, am a nepo baby. Read More
Deportation
Opinions Editor Deported, We Think?
It is our great misfortune to report on the arrest and deportation of our Opinions Editor, Frankie Brereton. Read More
Animal control
Strange Noises in Wilder Revealed to be Delta Upsilon Brothers Moving Furniture at Night in Bizarre Ritual
For the past few weeks, many students living in URochester’s Wilder dorm hall have complained about strange noises emanating from the building’s floors, causing sleep disturbances for some. These noises began nearly four weeks ago, according to building residents. Yet their origins are still undiscovered. “I would lie down, ready to go to bed, and […]
Ever cheaper
University to Decrease Tuition for the First Time in History
Tuition is set to decrease 15%, the University announced Monday, making URochester one of the only universities in the world to see such a decrease in the last two centuries. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw the email,” sophomore Lindsey Dahn said. “My suite group chat exploded when we got the email — we’re […]
date
Dating the voices in my head
Chat, did I make a mistake? I went on a date with the voices in my head and I liked it. It was a bit of an unplanned date, but what else are you supposed to do when none of your friends will have dinner with you? Read More
dog-called
More than a good boy
There were a bunch of labs that smelled of the strange chemicals. There were squirrel mechs being built. There were thousands of squirrels, big and small, scurrying everywhere. Read More
birth
Eulogy for Brian Ly
spending his time “flirting with hiring managers,” and urging those like him to “mog the huzz with your chopped aura.” Read More
15 degree weather
Cold never bothered them anyway
watching those who have completed the course have small molecules of lava chemically bonded to each individual cell Read More
