April Fools

Eclipse Portends Humanity’s Descent Back Into the Dark Ages

By: Rachel UnCaren Rochester officials are bracing for our latest descent into the dark ages, when God next deigns to…

The Catholic Times Presents: ‘Ulysses’ by James Joyce, Part I

We are proud to introduce our new fiction serial, “The Catholic Times Presents,” which will feature history’s greatest novels in weekly portions.

Freshman Class To Include Farm Animals

This incoming class will be the largest and most diverse group of students yet, and include a whole new demographic never seen before.

Football team’s newfound mediocrity threatens beloved losing tradition

Five wins in a season threatens to undermine the UR’s historic losing tradition, disgracing George Eastman’s legacy beyond compare.

CT Eats: Water meat

We sat down with Rochester Chief of Police David M. Smith and the police SCUBA team responsible for pulling bodies out of Rochester’s briny waters to try out the flavors of the season.

Laser Lab announces new partnership with local humane society

The LLE has partnered with Lollypop Farm to provide a fun, mentally stimulating activity for their many cats.

CT Retiring Print Edition in Favor of Granite Monolith

Following the discovery of a towering granite monolith in downtown Rochester, stone tablature is making a comeback statewide.

UR to turn Mount Hope Cemetery into world’s largest parking lot

The $75 million dollar project will create the largest continuous parking lot in the world, with a capacity of over 22,000 vehicles.

Clinton Foundation Announces $1B for Adrenochrome Research

The donation will transform the nation’s understanding of adrenochrome’s potential for anti-aging and brain-maximizing properties.