My roommate is a chimp. And if ur reading this, it might already be too late.
i have to make this quick before he sees my laptop and takes it away. i just cannot beleive my life. being a sophmore is much harder than i thought it would be. too many orgo assignmets.
why do they even call it organic chemistry when it’s all chemicals. last time i checked, those dont belong in organic food. And also, why is there so many things to memorize. Every day i go to lecure and study every single note, but im still barely passing.
meanwhile, my roommate says hes good at everything — not just orgo. he wakes up at the crack of dawn and can somehow forage for his own breakfast without using a single meal swipe. ive even seen him catch a groundhog with his bare hands before it hid in its burrow. and his diet (bananas, nuts, and ants, mostly) is somehow even better quality than mine — just look at how much less grease and salt he eats!
he answers every single question in bios using a text to speech technolgy that im pretty sure he invented himself. even though he only talks about the tastiest insects in Rochester and how to find the perfect stick to fish them from their dirt mound, he still gets straight A’s.
i absolutely despize this chimp of a roommate and want to get his dirty, flea-infested body off of our campus before he ruins my reputation (im pretty sure he already convinced my partner to break up with me). no one will hear me out!! everyone thinks he’s so cute. hes even bought a monkey plushie in an effort to become URochester’s next Punch.
oh no i think hes coming back. hes probably going to ask me for another banana smoothie and make me pay for it. urgh.
Take a hike, chimp!
