Help, Geedis is leaking again

Geedis is softly whispering to you as you drift into sleep. There is a low growling sound coming from the trees. Will you do his bidding?

POV: help

I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes.

The Taxman cometh

I know He is tempting me. The more I profit, the more he can take from me.

April showers… mean worm hours?

It’s a graveyard of fallen earthworm soldiers, and if you dare to blink while walking, you are liable to end up christening your new Nikes with Eau de Worm.

Wilder Tower boards vandalized

As of Monday, March 13, some new boards have been installed as replacements. They are roughly a quarter of the original boards’ dimensions.

Drugging myself for fun and profit

I’m not a quitter anymore: I’m a starter. And I’m starting right now. Drugs, that is.

Dozens pharbified in Eastman Quad terror attack, WRUR suspected culprit

All that could be heard was the sound of Phoebe Bridgers’s “Funeral,” distorted by the wind and the just-audible sobs of pharbified students crying in the bushes.

The Gourds of Wrath

You frighten me, Mr. Pumpkin. Your violent delights can only meet violent ends.

The Poster Sale Story: A Vignette of Rochester’s failing micro-economy

While most college students are no stranger to scrambling to make ends meet, this year’s iteration of the Fall Poster…

The Order of the Idiot

Need a professor stuck in a shouting match stalemate about why we can’t just print more money for the full lecture so there’s less content on the exam? Done. Want office hours monopolized by someone not even taking the class so your lukewarm take on Kant’s lack of relatability can shine by comparison? We got you.