Narratives
finals season
POV: help
I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes.
eldritch taxes
The Taxman cometh
I know He is tempting me. The more I profit, the more he can take from me.
do the worm squirm
April showers… mean worm hours?
It’s a graveyard of fallen earthworm soldiers, and if you dare to blink while walking, you are liable to end up christening your new Nikes with Eau de Worm.
April Fool's
Wilder Tower boards vandalized
As of Monday, March 13, some new boards have been installed as replacements. They are roughly a quarter of the original boards’ dimensions.
drug abuse
Drugging myself for fun and profit
I’m not a quitter anymore: I’m a starter. And I’m starting right now. Drugs, that is.
pandemonium
Dozens pharbified in Eastman Quad terror attack, WRUR suspected culprit
All that could be heard was the sound of Phoebe Bridgers’s “Funeral,” distorted by the wind and the just-audible sobs of pharbified students crying in the bushes.
Gourds
The Gourds of Wrath
You frighten me, Mr. Pumpkin. Your violent delights can only meet violent ends.
humor
The Poster Sale Story: A Vignette of Rochester’s failing micro-economy
While most college students are no stranger to scrambling to make ends meet, this year’s iteration of the Fall Poster…
Narratives
The Order of the Idiot
Need a professor stuck in a shouting match stalemate about why we can’t just print more money for the full lecture so there’s less content on the exam? Done. Want office hours monopolized by someone not even taking the class so your lukewarm take on Kant’s lack of relatability can shine by comparison? We got you.
Insomnia
Insomniacs Anonymous
“Guys, guys! We have a new member! And people say advertising our meetings around midnight was a dumb idea,” your Virgil laughs.
