The following excerpt was found on the bottom of a missing shoe.
“I’d like to lay you out,” said the brunette to the other brunette of a comparable height. She twirled her brunette locks coyly. “I meant the newspaper. I’d like to lay out the newspaper.”
The other brunette suspected the original brunette did not mean the newspaper. Disappointed, Umber Loch’Ness Crow Way said, “Not in the Graphic Arts Suite.”
“But it’s got ‘Graphic’ right in the name,” said Jane Deo, making a compelling point. She blinked her large blue orbs, also coyly.
“No seriously, that behavior is against our organization’s constitution that we worked hard on. The goal of the document is to create a welcoming and accessible environment for any undergraduate student that might be interested in participating in the Moonlight Gazette.”
“Are you saying… let’s not kiss on the mouth in the office?” Jane said.
“Yes, you’re exactly correct,” said Umber, who knows the importance of affirming those below her.
“You’re right. Upon further reflection that’s pushing up against some pretty important student-organization-place boundaries,” said Jane. “Also, it’s just like ‘The Pitt’ where they also don’t kiss on the mouth.”
Jane laid out pensively for some time before saying, “Isn’t your position as big boss also going to introduce an unhealthy power dynamic to our relationship?”
“Don’t talk about that. Do you know what a large number of newspaper bundles do to the human body when the former is dropped on the latter from a great height?” said Umber, not looking up from the article she was reading.
Umber Loch’Ness Crow Way was scary. Ergo, Jane, quaking in her boots, didn’t reply.
“Thank you for taking the time to reflect,” said Umber. “I reflect frequently. Mostly about my favorite sports team, the Montreal Expos.”
“This vexes me,” said Jane, who does not like the Montreal Expos. “But I can put those feelings aside because I want to spend more time with you.”
Following this extremely productive dialogue, the brunettes left the Graphic Arts Suite so that they could have a fun and safe time together in a private space.
Umber Loch’Ness Crow Way did not kill Jane.
