Archives - ClemenTimes Staff
a discussion
UR College Republicans protest Trump admin’s threats to free speech
"College Republicans around the country have spent the better part of a decade professing their absolute commitment to free speech, so why would we be silent now?" said the president of the club.
April Fools
Weeding out space problems
The administration is using gated up rooms in Spurrier and Todd Union for the cultivation of high-quality recreational marijuana.
April Fools
Dr. Olidamra’s commitment to benefiting armadillo research
“Yeah, he’s a bit... weird about his armadillos,” Deckham added, awkwardly shuffling his feet. “Like, he talks to them. A lot.”
April Fools
BREAKING: Campus Times staff resigns seemingly all at once
This schedule was interrupted Sunday March 30, when seven elected staff members suddenly declared their immediate resignations from the newspaper.
April Fool's
Climate, don’t change
How would you feel if every day, people told you that they can’t appreciate you for who you are? You’d want to change too!
April Fool's
The very hungry (brain)worm
So, in other words, I deal with the understanding of language, and boy, do I like to fiddle. I’m what makes you read “I scream” as “ice cream,” “I see cream” as “ice cream,” “onion beans” as “ice cream.”
crusade
My crusade against the UR parking office
I allowed my predator to believe I was prey — let them roam the jungle, beat their chest, and act like they could never be defeated.
April Fool's
Free the monkeys
These poor creatures were being experimented on to learn calculus, neuroscience, electrical circuitry, and art. They were staying up until 4 a.m. trying to figure out how to complete these wild assignments.
April Fool's
Good advice Brian
Well, that’s too bad – I’m actually just going to gatekeep all of this information. You won’t get a peep out of me.
April Fool's
Getting touched by the boogeyman
At the tender age of 18, I was horribly frightened by such stories. After all, I didn’t want to be taken away to the dark lands by the Boogeyman.
