Humor
athletics
Football team’s newfound mediocrity threatens beloved losing tradition
Five wins in a season threatens to undermine the UR’s historic losing tradition, disgracing George Eastman’s legacy beyond compare.
April Fools
Freshman Class To Include Farm Animals
This incoming class will be the largest and most diverse group of students yet, and include a whole new demographic never seen before.
April Fools
CT Eats: Water meat
We sat down with Rochester Chief of Police David M. Smith and the police SCUBA team responsible for pulling bodies out of Rochester’s briny waters to try out the flavors of the season.
April Fools
Laser Lab announces new partnership with local humane society
The LLE has partnered with Lollypop Farm to provide a fun, mentally stimulating activity for their many cats.
April Fools
CT Retiring Print Edition in Favor of Granite Monolith
Following the discovery of a towering granite monolith in downtown Rochester, stone tablature is making a comeback statewide.
April Fools
UR to turn Mount Hope Cemetery into world’s largest parking lot
The $75 million dollar project will create the largest continuous parking lot in the world, with a capacity of over 22,000 vehicles.
April Fools
Clinton Foundation Announces $1B for Adrenochrome Research
The donation will transform the nation’s understanding of adrenochrome’s potential for anti-aging and brain-maximizing properties.
April Fools
University reintroduces Option D meal plan in response to student concerns
The plan will cost $2,893 per semester and can only be used to purchase tasteful, seasonal Starbucks tumblers.
April Fools
Administration commits to quadrupling Israeli investments per activist demands
A culmination of months of protests by hundreds of student and community members demanding the University take a monetary and vocal stand against the war in Gaza, UR’s administration announced Thursday that they will be quadrupling investments in Israeli defense suppliers.
