Her name was Rosemary! She was an “It”-Girl!

Mills’ relationship with Rosemary feels actively teenage and real, which makes the humor that follows it fall flatter.

Go To Sleep, UR!

“Hat Man appeared within the intersection of reality and imagination, in the world between sleepiness and wakefulness.” 

Elena’s Haircut

I must’ve blacked out while they were washing my hair, but Alicia tells me that I told her I wanted a “cute lil’ gay lil’ thing”

Knowledge is power

I ain't fucking around on my phone for multiple hours while the existential dread of never being good enough creeps in.

‘Fish pledge’: the WCSA story

More troubling, she is one of the newer staff members: could this be a form of hazing? “If he dies, that’s on me,” she confides.

Libraries out of calculators, students turn to the dark arts

In replacement of the calculators, the libraries have begun to hand out abacuses to students, and offering lessons on how to use them. 

Letter to the Editor: Regarding Gilbert being a non-Euclidean space

Gilbert just loops when one enters the stairwells. The next floor you find is one of the same four floors with occasional derivatives.

CCC: see a c-list app sinking in a sea of mediocrity 

There’s a dearth of passion projects: I haven’t downloaded an app out of interest or joy in over five years.

Dear Spirit Coordinator: please let me beat up Rocky

I want blood. I don’t know who the current Spirit Coordinator is, but if they’re reading this, I have only one word for them: coward.

I’ve had enough of the PDA in Gleason!

I’m tired of trying to do work while the couples next to me flirt at each other without a care in the world. There is no coolness in that.