Humor

choose your own adventure

Choose Your Own Adventure: Orientation!
By John Pinto on Aug 18, 2019
Overwhelmed by your new life at the River Campus? Play our Choose Your Own Adventure game and let us tell you how to be an independent person!
choose your own adventure

Choose Your Own Adventure: D-Day!
By John Pinto on Apr 28, 2019
Your buddy Xander slides you a scrap of tin foil. Inside is either a tiny blotter of LSD or the corner of a Forever stamp of Mr. Incredible. What do you do?
160 Series

Math 160 series coursework found to contain traces of lead, arsenic
By Reed Steiner on Apr 21, 2019
The study comes after years of enrolled students complaining about drowsiness, throbbing headaches, and difficulty with memory and concentration.
guillotine

New student initiative for tuition increase to fund totally unrelated guillotines
By John Pinto on Apr 14, 2019
Top UR administrators, last seen diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a swimming pool filled with 2019’s executive bonuses, were unavailable for comment.
Fox

Letter: Quad Fox pushes back against scathing murder allegations
By Reed Steiner and Lumi Schildkraut on Apr 9, 2019
Anyone can edit a video to make it seem like a fox is eating a squirrel. In the video posted online, Quad Fox is actually eating tofu.
insecurity

UR found to be leading the nation in intellectual insecurity
By Ben Schmitz on Apr 7, 2019
UR students typically base their self-worth entirely on shouting down peers in casual conversation using facts they learned from a YouTube video.
course planning

The CT guide to enrolling in a secret course
By Hailie Higgins on Apr 7, 2019
Examples include two credit course “CAS 105: ROC YOUR BAR MITZVAH” and 69-credit course “XXX 420: Free Weed and Skateboard Tricks.”
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[SPONSORED CONTENT] Announcing the new beer that will turn your fists into rockets…
By Jane Pritchard on Apr 7, 2019
You won't believe how many of your buds you can knock out cold once you've downed this cold one.
Fox

Study finds most UR students have apparently never seen a fucking fox before
By John Pinto on Mar 31, 2019
The red fox, known to STEM majors and insufferable men as “Vulpes vulpes,” is commonly found in every non-desert biome in the fucking Northern Hemisphere.
Games and Quizzes

The humanities fun zone
By John Pinto on Mar 24, 2019
I’ve curated this little section to be a playground for my fellow Humanities majors. Enjoy, and remember: STEM people don’t know how to read!
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