Humor

Gone Bananas

Smuggling fruit out of the dining halls is an almost universal practice among UR students. How many is too many? The morality of one student's 23 banana conquest is called into question.

Horrorscopes

This star sign decoder reveals your fate for the month of October.

Advice from Tiffany, the White Suburban Mom

In her new column, Tiffany the White Suburban Mom answers your pressing questions and gives advice to the common folk.

Rochester’s Inaugural Hunger Games

Faced with the problem of too many students in the first-year class, the University of Rochester must take drastic measures in order to decrease the amount of matriculating students.

Incoming Student Upset That No Professor Has Come Forward as His Nemesis Yet

A First-year is disappointed that no professor has come forward as his nemesis. The legacy student arrived on campus this semester hoping that adversity in the form of opposition to his academic success would inspire him to be ever better.

Fresh alumni unable to identify any building on campus amid UR construction

The alumni strolled around campus, reminiscing about the way campus used to be. "Seems like I can't find a single building that was here when I was a student," one said. They had graduated just one week ago.

Douglass doors demand deliverance

“THIS DOOR MUST REMAIN CLOSED AT ALL TIMES,” the sign read. But did anyone ever ask the door what it thought about that?

Choose your own Commencement

You see a fun article on the Campus Times website. Do you want to read it? Yes (proceed to article) or No (proceed to article anyway)

CT Eats: The Pit

So you've had a long day studying for that midterm and the the only thing you have left to do is to eat until you de-stress. The world-renowned Pit is ready to serve you.

Picolas Cage: The Epilogue: Return of the Cage

Several months after I had last seen Nic Cage, I was surprised to hear what sounded like someone opening the front door of the mansion he bequeathed me.