New student initiative for tuition increase to fund totally unrelated guillotines
Top UR administrators, last seen diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a swimming pool filled with 2019’s executive bonuses, were unavailable for comment.
UR found to be leading the nation in intellectual insecurity
UR students typically base their self-worth entirely on shouting down peers in casual conversation using facts they learned from a YouTube video.
Study finds most UR students have apparently never seen a fucking fox before
The red fox, known to STEM majors and insufferable men as “Vulpes vulpes,” is commonly found in every non-desert biome in the fucking Northern Hemisphere.
Heroic Late Night Doug worker goes another weekend without killing any students
“God has abandoned Late Night, that’s for sure. He’s off the clock for those hours.”
Make crazy money while still going to school with this one weird trick!
Getting a part time job at the University seems like a good idea, but you should avoid doing so at all costs. Here are three easy steps to make mega moolah in college!
Seligman breaks ground on University of Rochester, Minnesota
"Today, we bring the spirit of Meliora to the Med City!" the parka-clad president began as he went to dig the foundation of Barnes & Noble Hall.