UR Joking

Noisy neighbors

It's time for today's edition of our very special game show, “Guess What My Upstairs Neighbors Are Doing!”

Dining lauded for creative seating solution

When there were too few seats in the newly remodeled Douglass Dining Hall, Dining Services came up with a novel solution for modulating the number of students at each meal.

Virus ravages campus

Researchers are baffled by the rapidly spreading virus, which experts believe is transmitted by python attacks during fishing incidents.

Weather machine repairs blamed for tuition hike

UR President Joel Seligman admitted that the University's weather machine has been broken since the particularly harsh winter of 2015.

Martino signs order to build wall

The wall would protect campus from President Donald Trump and all of his supporters.

UR to build theme park with extra money

Just like that, the University had once again set to work on another goddamn construction project.

Bad advice from Brian

Dear Brian, how do I know whether I should pass/fail a class?

Security commission recommends arming Seligman

“We’re hoping this will really cut down on underage drinking on campus.”

Closing remarks

Friends and loyal reader, this will be last piece of work as a “humor” writer for the Campus Times.

Norovirus evades Public Safety

As I am sure the majority of you have heard by now, the notorious and nefarious Norovirus has invaded the River Campus this week. Symptoms of this virus include fatigue, nausea, dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting, and being a real party pooper.