UR Joking

The beeping revolution: A timeline of events

The alarms became more and more regular. Soon enough they were ringing every day in Wilco. There were endless complaints. They had no idea how much ruin was in store for us all.

Tips and tricks to acquire a declining daddy

Success is not guaranteed. Results may vary. Talk to your Doctor (Chatbot) if you think a Declining Daddy may be right for you.

Junior sets prestigious record for amount of student organization rejections

As of this semester, a Rochester junior has successfully been rejected from all 359 clubs and organizations on campus. Chad Spike, who wished to remain anomalous, spent three years getting kicked out, turned away, and barred entry from literally every organization on campus. 

How the Boy Scouts failed nine year old me

You may or may not know this, but the Cub Scouts have their own version of Girl Scout cookies. For the non-suburbanites, they call it Boy Scout popcorn.

Mystery upstairs: What’s that noise?

I swear I’m returning to a primitive amoeba-like state now that all my classes are virtual. We’re only three weeks in and already I’m going crazy.

10 kinds of tinder users, ranked by rarity

With Valentine’s Day passing by, Tinder usage has increased astronomically. People start swiping right like a trigger-happy protagonist in a Tarantino movie.

Will U(zi) be my valentine?

The man, who insisted on being called Rocky, was found outside of Strong in the middle of the night on Feb. 13 with multiple gashes and a small diamond and metal backing lodged in his forehead.

How to reclaim valentine’s day

You’re probably sitting in your dorm playing solitaire, eating Kraft singles, singing the latest hit singles. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you can’t love the day of love, so here are 10 tips to enjoy Valentine’s day solo.

COVID-19 clocktower, a conspiracy we can all believe in

As an avid proponent of both intensive research and half of the conspiracy theories I just googled, I’ve decided to present UR with a new hypothesis: Walking under the clocktower will grant you the gift of COVID-19 antibodies.

Top 10 quarantine phases, ranked

However, one incredibly prominent experience is reverting back to phases that we all experienced in the most formative years of our lives, such as in middle school. Thus, here, for your viewing pleasure, are 10 of the mid-quarantine phases, ranked and psychoanalyzed by yours truly.