UR Joking

Public Safety find secret mice cabal: Adderall for all

A secret adderall-slinging organization run by the mice that live in residential housing was uncovered this week by Public Safety officers.

YoUR confessions are safe (with administration)

UR confessional pages have, unsurprisingly, become part of our school culture in the way that only chaotic, irresponsible, student-run programs can.

Slim Goodbody is back, baby!

Slim Goodbody is the bane of worlds, and the conqueror of hearts and minds. He is enshrouded in fear, mystery, and a 4000 dollar costume.

First-years officially classified as invasive species

Based on the first-years’ recent growth patterns, it is imperative to curb the first-year infestation before they take over Burton and Crosby as well.

Carnivorous dandelions are coming to campus

To cut down on the campus’ unmanageable yellowjacket infestation, a UR professor has released her research on breeding carnivorous dandelions.

Long-line epidemic sweeping through campus; Line vigilantes rumored

That’s right — the line epidemic is sweeping across the UR campus with no signs of slowing down.

Breaking news: First-years still have a will to live

They are so full of hope it makes any upperclassman sick with the realization that they, too, were once full of bliss and a will to live.

A list of COVID-19-friendly pop-up requests

Although a healthy amount of UR students can subsist off of the sole resource known as “daddy’s money,” not everyone is that lucky.

Email from admin: Students must get positive COVID-19 test for the fall

In order to accommodate these students, we have decided to lock you all into Strong Auditorium and pump infected air through the vents.

Sober (and depressing) D-Day alternatives to drinking

With this year’s Dandelion Day (D-Day) now over, some students may feel they didn’t get the most out of it. Many did, of course, get plastered in accordance with the time-honored Rochester tradition.