Math 160 series coursework found to contain traces of lead, arsenic
The study comes after years of enrolled students complaining about drowsiness, throbbing headaches, and difficulty with memory and concentration.
New student initiative for tuition increase to fund totally unrelated guillotines
Top UR administrators, last seen diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a swimming pool filled with 2019’s executive bonuses, were unavailable for comment.
UR found to be leading the nation in intellectual insecurity
UR students typically base their self-worth entirely on shouting down peers in casual conversation using facts they learned from a YouTube video.
Study finds most UR students have apparently never seen a fucking fox before
The red fox, known to STEM majors and insufferable men as “Vulpes vulpes,” is commonly found in every non-desert biome in the fucking Northern Hemisphere.
Heroic Late Night Doug worker goes another weekend without killing any students
“God has abandoned Late Night, that’s for sure. He’s off the clock for those hours.”