UR Joking

An interview with the murderer of that kid who asks unrelated questions in lecture to seem smart

A kid who always asked unrelated questions in lecture was probably murdered last week. Now I’ve got an exclusive interview with the suspected killer.

MERT reports ‘690 percent’ increase in penis injuries on Feb. 14

According to a joint statement from MERT and Public Safety, this spike in reported incidents left the MERT team “stretched thin and girthless.”

How to fake grief when that kid who asks unrelated questions in lecture to seem smart is murdered

Every time someone mentions the dead kid’s name, you can’t stop a Joker-like grin from engulfing your whole face. How do you hide this? 

The BME to CS Switch: A Study

Biomedical Engineering majors confidently march toward their own misery. Then, halfway through the semester, a midterm happens.

CT Recommends: Headbutting

People often don’t know how to respond to an unexpected headbutt, but such strange behavior is objectively amusing to some.

Argument breaks out in first-year quad over who is the most pre-med pre-med

In a particularly heated moment, onlookers reported that it appeared one student tried to papercut another using her laminated CV. 

CT Life Skills: How to eat food

Some criteria to keep in mind: Is the thing you want to eat moving? If so, it may be alive or a car, and therefore very difficult to catch and eat.

Engineering expo promises “New opportunities for misery and death in the Middle East”

“We hope students will take this opportunity to get in on the ground floor of unmitigated slaughter,” a UR Career Center representative told the CT.

Letter to the Editor: In Defense of Coronas

Why does everyone keep talking about Coronas coming from China? It’s definitely a Mexican beer. My Mom says I go to a New Ivy and am very intelligent.

The Official Campus Times Alternative Oscars

In the interest of helping the Academy understand what it missed, CT has assembled a worthy alternative. Presenting... the first nominees for the Wilfords!