UR Joking

Choose Your Own Adventure: D-Day!

Your buddy Xander slides you a scrap of tin foil. Inside is either a tiny blotter of LSD or the corner of a Forever stamp of Mr. Incredible. What do you do?

Math 160 series coursework found to contain traces of lead, arsenic

The study comes after years of enrolled students complaining about drowsiness, throbbing headaches, and difficulty with memory and concentration.

New student initiative for tuition increase to fund totally unrelated guillotines

Top UR administrators, last seen diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a swimming pool filled with 2019’s executive bonuses, were unavailable for comment.

UR found to be leading the nation in intellectual insecurity

UR students typically base their self-worth entirely on shouting down peers in casual conversation using facts they learned from a YouTube video.

The CT guide to enrolling in a secret course

Examples include two credit course “CAS 105: ROC YOUR BAR MITZVAH” and 69-credit course “XXX 420: Free Weed and Skateboard Tricks.”

Study finds most UR students have apparently never seen a fucking fox before

The red fox, known to STEM majors and insufferable men as “Vulpes vulpes,” is commonly found in every non-desert biome in the fucking Northern Hemisphere.

The humanities fun zone

I’ve curated this little section to be a playground for my fellow Humanities majors. Enjoy, and remember: STEM people don’t know how to read!

Funk tribunal dooms UR band to eternity of groove

The tribunal sought to review the legitimacy of first-year fusioneers “Nut Butter” as an heir to the greasy throne of River Campus funk.

Heroic Late Night Doug worker goes another weekend without killing any students

“God has abandoned Late Night, that’s for sure. He’s off the clock for those hours.”

The definitive UR bathroom rankings

I somehow constantly need to pee, so I am uniquely qualified to discuss and rate our campus bathrooms. Why? Because it needs to be done.