Public Safety find secret mice cabal: Adderall for all
A secret adderall-slinging organization run by the mice that live in residential housing was uncovered this week by Public Safety officers.
First-years officially classified as invasive species
Based on the first-years’ recent growth patterns, it is imperative to curb the first-year infestation before they take over Burton and Crosby as well.
Long-line epidemic sweeping through campus; Line vigilantes rumored
That’s right — the line epidemic is sweeping across the UR campus with no signs of slowing down.
Breaking news: First-years still have a will to live
They are so full of hope it makes any upperclassman sick with the realization that they, too, were once full of bliss and a will to live.
Email from admin: Students must get positive COVID-19 test for the fall
In order to accommodate these students, we have decided to lock you all into Strong Auditorium and pump infected air through the vents.
Sober (and depressing) D-Day alternatives to drinking
With this year’s Dandelion Day (D-Day) now over, some students may feel they didn’t get the most out of it. Many did, of course, get plastered in accordance with the time-honored Rochester tradition.