UR seniors excited to watch virtual commencement with their parents, painfully hungover
Students claim that being hungover for virtual commencement would not be noticeably different from a traditional in-person ceremony.
CS class becomes sentient after move to Zoom, immediately starts watching porn
CSC 214: Intro to Nifty Computer Tricks was seen recognizing its own reflection in mirrors and also watching porn.
Letter to the Editor: In further defense of coronas
“People are buying up all of everything in the stores: toilet paper, smoked meats, puppies. So I bought 48 bottles of Corona.”
Heartbreaking: Without PRR, UR student must procrastinate in parent’s basement
“Well just because I don’t have pretty surroundings like the PRR doesn’t mean I can’t still spend 40 minutes making the perfect Instagram story post to show how productive and hardworking I am with my aesthetic notes.”
No one is coming to save you because Danny DeVito has never thought about UR
Danny DeVito, that glorious 4-foot-10-inch ball of pure sex and charisma, is the closest thing we have to a savior. But even he's not coming to save us.
Roommate leaves raw beef on counter, disappears for weeks
When I came back, she was gone. All that remained was the faint smell of fermentation and a large hunk of ground beef on the counter. Raw. Bare.