Satire

Letter to the Editor: In Defense of Coronas

Why does everyone keep talking about Coronas coming from China? It’s definitely a Mexican beer. My Mom says I go to a New Ivy and am very intelligent.

Ken Jennings crowned king of ‘Jeopardy!,’ becomes vaguely famous

Jennings defeated longtime rival Brad Rutter and newcomer James Holzhauer, and is now even occasionally recognized when walking down the street. 

CT Feet: I kidnap other students and steal their shoes, and you should too

Kidnapping (or as we say in the industry, “assisted vacation”) can be an exciting way to make quick cash, as well as some new friends!

Ever Better CDCS

No amount of rearranging your labs and workshops will ever make Orgo go away, you poor suckers. Dump those "required" courses and take these ones instead!

Seligman indicted for affiliation with Nine Trey Bloods

The University President is the latest to be linked to the infamous gang by rapper 6ix9ine, also known as David Hernandez, also known as "Snitch."

UR Tech: How to insert a USB drive sensually, carnally, and right-side up

First you should make sure the rigid little guy you’ve got in your hand is, in fact, a USB. Could it be a shiny Lego, or a penis?

CT Recommends: Wikipedia

The official Campus Times guide to using Wikipedia! Pro-tip: Be sure not to get Google.com’s and Wikipedia’s “search bars” confused. They look very alike.

Make crazy money while still going to school with this one weird trick!

Getting a part time job at the University seems like a good idea, but you should avoid doing so at all costs. Here are three easy steps to make mega moolah in college!

Punxsutawney Phil gives State of the Forest address

From Bernie Loonders to Sean Parrotty, reactions were strong to President Punxsutawney Phil's State of the Forest Address.

The difficulties of living in Genesee Hall

You would think Genesee Hall to be perfect, but it actually has more problems than any of the others. Even the freshman quad.