Narratives

UR to be Named an Ivy School

Nichols also said that whenever she looks at the ivy it “brings back fond memories of [her] rejection letter from Cornell,” and she’s not the only one!

Help! I can’t get rid of my quarantine body

People keep telling me to “get rid of my quarantine body,” and there’s only one explanation: I’ve been found out.

I have taken the Flag Lounge into my own hands

There were 163 flags hanging in the lounge, each one three by five feet. That’s a lot to just "hide." Where are they now?

My drug-induced quarantine haze

Two weeks is a long time to spend alone with your thoughts. Maybe too long.

Zoom class derailed by UR student’s dog

At first, aside from the occasional student from a different university using the wrong Zoom link, everything was normal. Then the dog entered the picture.

Demon Girl: Sick as Hell 2, COVID-boogaloo

I’ve heard a lot of people describing the coronavirus situation as “hell.” Sorry friends, but Hell is much worse. I know from experience.
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How I learned to stop worrying and love the sqURm

Armed with an R&D survey and a budget of $0, I set out to create a new mascot for UR's largest demographic: those nerds who failed the Pacer Test.

Roommate leaves raw beef on counter, disappears for weeks

When I came back, she was gone. All that remained was the faint smell of fermentation and a large hunk of ground beef on the counter. Raw. Bare.

I look like Lenny from ‘Shark Tale,’ and that’s okay

There are worse cartoon characters to look like. Lenny is voiced by Jack Black, which is awesome. On the other hand, most people think I look like a shark.

A brief log of President Mangelsdorf’s President’s Day activities

Mangelsdorf put on her party hat. She smiled. She could kill any one of her VPs with her bare hands. She had the strength. She was president.