Narratives

The Demon Girl Who Lives in the Tunnels: Satanic snowday!

Raised in the warm bowels of Hell, the coldest I ever got was when they blasted the AC in Hellementary School. But that doesn't mean I wasted my snow day!

Wil reviews Halloween temporary tattoos and finds the void

Halloween has been over for a week, yet the tats remain steadfast on my arm, like the holiday's last great attempt to rage against the dying of the light. 

Inspiring: My roommate has kept a sailboat parked in our driveway for over a year

I was able to secure an exclusive interview with this nautical visionary to figure out just how he pulled off such a feat in on-land docking.

CT Spooky: The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad frat party line

As the students slowly converged around the dark porch, a voice of authority made his will known. “Get the fuck off the porch or nobody is getting in!”

Shocking: UR student confirmed to have first name

I was sitting at the Pit, dreaming about a world where the salad bar offers more than two fruits at any given time. Then one revelation tore me apart.

Rise of the Bathroom Bastard

For weeks my floor lived in fear of the Bathroom Bastard. I would have preferred to be kept off their victim list. But I didn’t get the luxury of choosing.

Genesee Hall residents targeted by jealous classmates, pelted with veggies

Victims were pelted with various rotten fruits and vegetables from a passing vehicle, and also reported hearing someone shout, ‘Sue B. in the house!’"

Choose Your Own Adventure: D-Day!

Your buddy Xander slides you a scrap of tin foil. Inside is either a tiny blotter of LSD or the corner of a Forever stamp of Mr. Incredible. What do you do?

The CT guide to enrolling in a secret course

Examples include two credit course “CAS 105: ROC YOUR BAR MITZVAH” and 69-credit course “XXX 420: Free Weed and Skateboard Tricks.”

Funk tribunal dooms UR band to eternity of groove

The tribunal sought to review the legitimacy of first-year fusioneers “Nut Butter” as an heir to the greasy throne of River Campus funk.