Just as it’s expected of women to shave the hair on their legs and underarms, it’s also expected that they groom their pubic hair. Men, too, are expected to do some grooming of their pubic hair, although the standards are miles higher for women than they are for men, and the upkeep involved in maintaining facial hair depends on the style. The same goes for pubic hair. There are many styles to choose from – it’s just like getting a haircut!

There’s the nice, neat, trimmed look, which is self-explanatory. And then there’s the wild and free, natural look, which requires absolutely no upkeep. All you have to do is wait until it’s nice and long, then you braid it and add a colorful barrette. The landing strip is a style that involves removing all except for a thin vertical strip of hair in the center. This pattern is also known as the “Hitler Stache,” although I believe that was horizontal.

And then there’s the famous bare-and-bald-as-a-baby style. I am speaking, of course, about infantizing yourself.

When people decide to infantize they have all the hair removed. And by all I mean back to front, inside and outside, button to top and left to right. This can be achieved by way of the Brazilian wax or by shaving. I call this infantizing because it allows one’s exterior sexual anatomy to very closely resemble that of an infant.

A fascinating fact to mull over is that not only are people becoming prepubescent children again through genital hair grooming, but they also engage in sexual activities with other’s striving for the pure, innocent, infantile sexual appearance. In other words, people want to feel like babies where it matters, and they also want to connect, if you will, with other “babies!” And those who do not wish to infantize themselves still tend to crave infantized partners. Cool, huh?

Some advice for those who wax: extra Advil will not relieve the pain. It will cause bruising. Advil is a blood thinner and, therefore, a bad idea. Alcohol is also a blood thinner, so never get waxed while intoxicated or after a night of drinking. And acne medications are for acne, not ingrown hairs, so don’t use them anywhere but your face or other acne-ridden areas of your body. They dry out the skin and cause layers to shed off, so applying them to your extra-sensitive pubic area will cause the wax to tear off skin and cause bleeding.

And if you have a lot of piercings – I’m sorry, that sucks.

A special note to the girls who embarrass themselves by waxing or shaving the first initial of their boyfriends’ names into their pubic region: never, ever do it again. If you want to show some dedication, tattoo their faces onto your foreheads.

So in conclusion, choose your approach and style wisely.

Foster is a member of the class of 2009.

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