Aries (March 21-April 19) – I sure am glad to have a Starbucks on campus. Now I can finally put my Italian 101 knowledge to use!
Taurus (April 20-May 20) – I wonder what Alanis Morissette thinks of a condom company named after a historical event in which an impregnable city was flooded with unwanted men.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Remember, no one suspects chocolates of containing roofies.
Cancer (June 22-July 22) – A recent study has shown that the happiness of a couple follows a 28 day cycle.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Hitting the blue handicap button as you pass does not count as holding the door for someone.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – You will begin to question your prowess in the bedroom after you receive a C- from the professor you were fooling around with.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – When late to class, it’s best to walk in with a swagger and make a scene. The professor will love your confidence.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Darwin considered the success of an organism to be determined by how much it reproduces. You would be amazed at how unsuccessful people with a 4.0 are.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Why do today what you can copy tomorrow?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – When you go to the doctor for a rash on your penis, he’ll tell you not to worry about the little things.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – I wonder how much the taxi services of Rochester paid UR to invest in tiny buses for senior nights.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Hate talking to people? Buy a Blackberry! You’ll never have to engage a person face-to-face again!
(If you believe this then you believe that the Courage Bowl wasn’t fixed.)
