Hello everybody! We’re back for yet another installment of Life, Love… Sport (Armageddon Saturday Edition). It has been simply one of the craziest weeks in sports, complete with multiple teams laying some massive eggs in college football, along with the Mets and Padres collapsing like overused prostitutes in Malaysia and the the whole “Brian Griese is a better QB than Rex Grossman” sweepstakes officially won by Kyle Orton, by default. Along the way, I shall tell you the tale of Isiah Thomas, a man who may drive David Stern to commit unspeakable acts. Strap on tight, climb on and lets get rocking!
To switch things up a bit, this week we shall lead off with some baseball action. What an eventful weekend. Not only did the Red Sox clinch the division (to the relief of the millions of people in New England who were standing on bridges waiting to jump), but the Yankees got shafted into a Wild Card spot. Let’s all get excited for some hot Red Sox-Yankees action coming within a week. Because anything else would feel very dirty and wrong.
As for the National League, this is where things got interesting. I never thought I’d see the day when a team would lose a seven game lead with 17 games to play. That feels wrong even writing about it. There can’t possibly be a team that did that, right? Wrong. The Mets are just a cursed team; it is high time to realize this truth and just move on with life. And for all the Red Sox fans who were bitching and moaning about not re-signing Pedro, you’re welcome. Back in the day, I predicted that Pedro would probably lose a limb sometime in the middle of his contract, and hot damn if I wasn’t right… again.
Six words that probably shouldn’t ever go together: The Rockies/Phillies are in the playoffs! Those two teams shouldn’t be in the playoffs – it’s not going to be the same October without some Philly fan moaning and groaning about his team’s failure. Damn, those were some good ‘ol days. The Rockies were the laughing-stock of the Major Leagues last year, what happened? Very upsetting news indeed. How fitting is it that the two teams face each other? Too bad the Padres forgot to wear their prayer beads in that play-off game, because they got rocked in the face. Get it?
Now, back to the first love of LLS, college football. In the words of a drunk Australian, “Wtf, mate?” What happened? Did I fall asleep and wake up in 1995? Since when did Colorado go around beating Oklahoma? Florida losing to Auburn, at home? Garbage! Things got so confusing that BC made the top 10! However, there is some good news. USF beat West Virginia! How exciting is that? What a great team. They’re going places, you take my word for it. Both Steve Slaton and Pat White were supposedly winning the Heisman Trophy. No longer because for the second year in a row, Matt Grothe, the LLS Man of the Year, and his Bulls have shocked the nation (everyone except me) and have climbed into the number six spot in the polls. For a team that wasn’t even alive 12 years ago, they sure learn fast. Their next great test comes against Rutgers, although the game has lost some of its luster, seeing how there will be only one unbeaten team going into that matchup. BCS, here we come! On a semi-related note, how good am I when it comes to picking bandwagon teams? Damn near flawless, as it turns out.
On to the sad and lonely tale of Isiah Thomas, a man who got sued by a former employee for sexual harassment for like a bazillion dollars (actually 10 million). And to the surprise of no one, he lost. So now, not only does MSG have to pay the woman $11.6 million in damages, but it’s about time that the Knicks let Thomas go. Since he has been there, the team has sold their soul for Steve Francis and Stephen Marbury, lost every first round draft pick until sometime in 2009 and haven’t really sniffed the playoffs. Sounds to me that it’s time to start over.
It’s the return of an old friend, the LLS list! This week it predicts the winners of the first round of the MLB playoffs (keep in mind, I’m almost always right).
1) Colorado over Philly in four. Because Colorado is better.
2) Arizona over Chicago in five. God forbid the Cubs win anything.
3) Boston over L.A. in four. If you have to ask why, you haven’t been paying attention.
4) Cleveland over N.Y. in five. Because I said so.
Georgia Tech beat Cumberland University by a score of 222-0 in 1916. It is the largest winning margin in college football history.
Maystrovsky’s article appears weekly. Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.