Aries (March 21-April 19) – Open up a gym in an alley somewhere. You’ll need an old punching bag with duct tape all over it, a lot of weights and no bars. Now, go find a whole lot of nuns.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – The place is heating up a little bit – making you feel warmer inside. This should make you want to moonwalk to class.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Still feeling the sludge in your tummy from the Super Bowl party? Do five pushups and roll around in the snow. Repeat this cycle a million times. Cancer (June 22-July 22) – To keep your cereal fresh, refold the inner bag after each use and close package flaps. There’s more from where that came from in the Corner Store.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – How come they don’t make Oreos with the frosting on the outside and the cookie on the inside? It wouldn’t be that messy, and I think it would taste better. Too bad your horoscope is only a bad question.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – In case you were wondering, hot tubs on campus are not encouraged by the administration. Give an administrator a hug this week – they are really nice and understanding.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Sad about the Patriots winning this year? The Giants are going to win the Super Bowl next year – I promise.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Develop a grudge toward the movie “The Grudge,” starring “Buffy” Michelle Gellar. Avoid it at all costs.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Hopefully, by now, you have finally put your clothes on. That is a good thing for you and your fight against pneumonia. Reading the horoscopes naked is kind of fun though, I must admit. I mean – it could be fun, if you have tried it.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – I want to apologize for telling you to make an omelet with saline solution. Don’t do it. Instead, write my paper for me.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Let’s go. If you want it, you can get it – just let me know. Actually, don’t tell me – I don’t care. Tell your neighbor or someone else. Then, eat a fist full of bar nuts.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Better start planning your spring break. Unfortunately, your current plans might head south without you. You’re going to need a back up. Spurrier gym could be nice with heat lamps and an inflatable kiddy pool.

(If you actually believe this, then you will spend your valentine’s day humping your bed.)



Freshman SA members elected, confirmed

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Posters and Pints unites beer and science

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