Scorpio (Oct. 23?Nov. 21) ? Your train will leave Rochester at noon traveling 30 miles an hour. At the same time, another train will leave Boston traveling 50 miles an hour. Where they will meet is up to you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22?Dec 21) ? Friday is Coloring Day for Sagittarius. Take out the crayons and the coloring books and color a nice picture of a kitten or a dog. Do it! It’s in the stars!
Capricorn (Dec. 22?Jan. 19) ? Too bad last week sucked so much for you. Cheer up and buy yourself some breakfast cereal. Count Chocula has marshmallows in it and they kind of taste like chocolate.
Aquarius (Jan. 20?Feb. 18) ? This week, the planets will be aligned in your constellation. Isn’t that neato? This is, of course, a sign of a personal apocalypse, but I wouldn’t really be too worried about that. Astrology is really more of an art than a science anyway.
Pisces (Feb. 19?March 20) ? Trucks can drive really fast and they weigh a lot compared to a person. Just a heads up!
Aries (March 21?April 19) ? Every once in a while, you should take some time out for yourself, in order to relax and recharge your batteries. This week, however, is not one of those weeks. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time playing Nintendo, you wouldn’t be in this mess. Now get back to the library.
Taurus (April 20?May 20) ? There is a difference between having tact and being tactful. It’s a fine line and you know how to walk it, so get out there and strut your stuff.
Gemini (May 21?June 21) ? Someone close to you is about to join the circus. Your Siamese twin, maybe?
Cancer (June 22?July 22) ? This week, buy that revolving bed that’s shaped like a giant heart. Just don’t forget the satin sheets and mood lighting, or you’ll be screwed.
Leo (July 23?Aug. 22) ? That Halloween costume you have planned is a pretty good idea. Just don’t beat up the person who wears the same thing to the Halloween party. He’ll be carrying a real gun.
Virgo (Aug. 23?Sept. 22) ? You left your laundry in the dryer. Better go get it before the laundry gnomes come and take it all away. Better yet, let them have it. They look hot when they’re wearing your clothes.
Libra (Sept. 23?Oct. 22) ? This week, you are going to have the greatest week of your life. This should make you very happy, until you realize that after this week is over, it’s just going to be a downward spiral into oblivion. Enjoy it while it lasts.
(If you actually believe this, well that’s just plain silly. This is not to be taken seriously.)