Humor
UR Joking
10 kinds of tinder users, ranked by rarity
With Valentine’s Day passing by, Tinder usage has increased astronomically. People start swiping right like a trigger-happy protagonist in a Tarantino movie. Read More
Valentine's Day
Will U(zi) be my valentine?
The man, who insisted on being called Rocky, was found outside of Strong in the middle of the night on Feb. 13 with multiple gashes and a small diamond and metal backing lodged in his forehead. Read More
Valentine's Day
How to reclaim valentine’s day
You’re probably sitting in your dorm playing solitaire, eating Kraft singles, singing the latest hit singles. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you can’t love the day of love, so here are 10 tips to enjoy Valentine’s day solo. Read More
Valentine's Day
Valentine’s surprise; Stacks to be open 24 hours
To this point they’ve made one thing clear: Donations from couples who met on campus are too precious to lose to COVID-19. Read More
UR Joking
COVID-19 clocktower, a conspiracy we can all believe in
As an avid proponent of both intensive research and half of the conspiracy theories I just googled, I’ve decided to present UR with a new hypothesis: Walking under the clocktower will grant you the gift of COVID-19 antibodies. Read More
Narratives
Lake Ontario: shockingly bereft of crabs
So I went up to the lake, and ventured out onto the ice. A disclaimer: I know nothing about ice fishing. Read More
UR Joking
Top 10 quarantine phases, ranked
However, one incredibly prominent experience is reverting back to phases that we all experienced in the most formative years of our lives, such as in middle school. Thus, here, for your viewing pleasure, are 10 of the mid-quarantine phases, ranked and psychoanalyzed by yours truly. Read More
UR Joking
The real reason students returned to campus: The results will shock you
87% of on-campus respondents cite access to school WiFi, and with it, freedom from Duo authentication, as the most exciting part of on-campus life. Read More
Political Comedy
Email from a distraught, unvaccinated donor
Nobody told me there was a cutoff for illegal benefits, and it would have been nice to know considering my most recent donation of $150 and two black market kidneys seems to total only $5 net value under the apparent “official” vaccine “price.” Read More
Dr Chat Bot
Dr. Chatbot’s namesake: Jeremiah A. Chatbot III
When Jeremiah A. Chatbot III was just a young boy growing up in Brooklyn, his parents motivated him to do great things in life. Read More
