UR Joking
Narratives
How I learned to stop worrying and love the sqURm
Armed with an R&D survey and a budget of $0, I set out to create a new mascot for UR's largest demographic: those nerds who failed the Pacer Test. Read More
UR Joking
No one is coming to save you because Danny DeVito has never thought about UR
Danny DeVito, that glorious 4-foot-10-inch ball of pure sex and charisma, is the closest thing we have to a savior. But even he's not coming to save us. Read More
Narratives
Roommate leaves raw beef on counter, disappears for weeks
When I came back, she was gone. All that remained was the faint smell of fermentation and a large hunk of ground beef on the counter. Raw. Bare. Read More
Comics
On the origin of species
All species find their niche in nature. As this new comic from Rukayat Akinola and Luis Ortiz shows, some species find their niche outside of the classroom. Read More
UR Joking
Eastman statue cries tears of blood, screams “Retribution will come when least expected”
When approached by CT for comment on any supernatural threat the statue might pose, Public Safety replied, “If you think we give a shit, you’re high.” Read More
UR Joking
How to show up late to lecture in a way that disrupts everything
To get an awful high-pitched squeaking noise to emanate from the door, open it slowly. Picture yourself as a charming breeze slowly blowing the door open. Read More
Narratives
A brief log of President Mangelsdorf’s President’s Day activities
Mangelsdorf put on her party hat. She smiled. She could kill any one of her VPs with her bare hands. She had the strength. She was president. Read More
UR Joking
CT Crossword: Finish it in less than a minute or you’re a dunce
Put the right words in the little boxes quickly and correctly or we will print out a glossy jpeg of your face and write "total fool" on your forehead. Read More
Narratives
An interview with the murderer of that kid who asks unrelated questions in lecture to seem smart
A kid who always asked unrelated questions in lecture was probably murdered last week. Now I’ve got an exclusive interview with the suspected killer. Read More
UR Joking
MERT reports ‘690 percent’ increase in penis injuries on Feb. 14
According to a joint statement from MERT and Public Safety, this spike in reported incidents left the MERT team “stretched thin and girthless.” Read More
