Archives - John Pinto
Ed Observers
Farewell transmission
Why is it all ending this way? Partly because of the unavoidable chaos of disease, and partly because of the inevitable march of time.
UR Joking
Meridians seen wandering deserted River Campus may be ghosts
Corroborating reports from Public Safety, Facilities, and the student-led GhostbustURs have confirmed the presence of wandering spectral Meridians.
UR Joking
I am braver than any U.S. Marine for reading the Humor Editor email archives
The Humor inbox is like the ocean — if you go really deep, farther than sunlight and the reach of God, you find truly alien creatures. Take a dive with me!
UR Joking
UR student stuck at Whipple Park Blue Line stop for over a month
The student, a first-year named Ursula Munds-Gurganus, had been buying Tide Pods at CVS and lunching at Chipotle for the third time in two days.
UR Joking
UR seniors excited to watch virtual commencement with their parents, painfully hungover
Students claim that being hungover for virtual commencement would not be noticeably different from a traditional in-person ceremony.
UR Joking
CS class becomes sentient after move to Zoom, immediately starts watching porn
CSC 214: Intro to Nifty Computer Tricks was seen recognizing its own reflection in mirrors and also watching porn.
art
Stop settling for ‘relatability’ in art and seek out the weird
It seems that all we want is more of the same. We will happily forgo the grander artistic horizons available to us for the sake of convenience.
UR Joking
Eastman statue cries tears of blood, screams “Retribution will come when least expected”
When approached by CT for comment on any supernatural threat the statue might pose, Public Safety replied, “If you think we give a shit, you’re high.”
UR Joking
MERT reports ‘690 percent’ increase in penis injuries on Feb. 14
According to a joint statement from MERT and Public Safety, this spike in reported incidents left the MERT team “stretched thin and girthless.”
Narratives
The wolf t-shirt you got from the cousin who likes magic tricks and theme parks
Cousin Rick likes magic tricks and Six Flags. He owns three Fushigis. He lives más. And now he's gone and bought you a shirt.
