UR Joking

Everything is sports now

"One hot-press incident as a result of this new health kick: The University of Rochester Furs are running on life-size hamster wheels during their meetings." Read More

What if we kissed in breakout room 3… ahaha… jk… unless…

Thank god classes will be in person on Jan. 31 so we can all go back to good old random frat party hookups (and then ignoring said hookups for  the next two weeks despite seeing them everywhere on campus). Read More

How to act like an adult even though there’s actually no point in existing anymore

Back then when it was fashionable to spread your face germs all over other people’s face germs at face germ-sharing parties, college life was nothing but bliss. So why aren’t you happy? Read More

COVID-19 virus patch notes: 1.4.2 (Omicron update)

Fans of the popular illness SARS-Coronavirus Disease 2019 will be excited to hear of the upcoming Omicron update from our South Africa and (secretly) European studio(s)! Read More

Cease and desist, humor editors!

Please, I beg of you, please stop sending me emails. I’ll do anything! I’ll take an 8 a.m. class with mandatory attendance! I’ll fill out Dr. Chatbot every day! I’ll fix my sleep schedule! Anything! Truly! Read More

Friendless friendsgiving

So, you want to hold a Friendsgiving, but there’s just one problem: you have no friends. Well, settle down, my lonesome pupil, you’ve come to the right place! Read More

Zombie groundbois take over University post-Halloween, face little resistance

“Bwaiiiiins!” was the rallying cry of the undead rodent army that took over River Campus this past week, slaughtering countless students for their juicy, powerful thinking meats. Read More

November’s champion: Spooks, sleighs, or squawks?

There is one question which haunts, jingles, and squawks in the distance — which holiday is November really about? Read More

CT Eats: Brainnnns

It smelled absolutely wonderful, and the texture was the perfect level of vomit-inducing for my taste.  Read More

Rocky gets sexy, then swarmed

She and her friends brainstormed all the sexy costumes they could think of, such as a sexy Veggie Tales, a sexy “drop dat apple” Isaac Newton, a sexy Griswold v. Connecticut, and a sexy Grab & Go sandwich, until finally they arrived at sexy Rocky the Yellowjacket. Read More