UR Joking
finals season
POV: help
I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes. Read More
eldritch taxes
The Taxman cometh
I know He is tempting me. The more I profit, the more he can take from me. Read More
fear not our benevolent creator
Gender vs. God: Tips and tricks to escape the vengeful hand of a benevolent omnipotent being
Passover is underway, and if you are unlucky enough to be male, goy, and firstborn, it is a truly terrifying time indeed. Read More
Cover Letter
The yearn to earn
From the day I became self-aware, I have desired to devote a literal third of my entire adult life to working for you. At your very company! Read More
do the worm squirm
April showers… mean worm hours?
It’s a graveyard of fallen earthworm soldiers, and if you dare to blink while walking, you are liable to end up christening your new Nikes with Eau de Worm. Read More
conspiracy!
A message from David Byrne
Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government. Read More
love
Research at Rochester: Campus Times staff on increased attraction levels to writers
There is a visible upward trend in levels of perceived attractiveness for those who write for the Campus Times. If you squint. Read More
betterthaneveryone
A chat with engineers on the engineering superiority complex
Complaining to a friend about your upcoming philosophy paper due? Well, actually, shut up, because listen, they’re an engineer, and they’ve probably spent more hours of their lives on their weekly problem sets than you have sleeping. Read More
ambrosia fr
An ode to jungle juice
The jungle is calling. I need the juice. You guessed it, baby. The jungle juice! Read More
