Archives - Caden Dillon

Review: The Land of Ta Season 1, Episode 18: “Where’s Geedis?” (1981)

You silly! Geedis cannot be killed. He is old. Older than the Sun and the Moon. And yet he is amiable, and a friend to everyone. You silly!

Help, Geedis is leaking again

Geedis is softly whispering to you as you drift into sleep. There is a low growling sound coming from the trees. Will you do his bidding?

Dear Spirit Coordinator: please let me beat up Rocky

I want blood. I don’t know who the current Spirit Coordinator is, but if they’re reading this, I have only one word for them: coward.

Stalking people on the Internet? You must be a Certified Bona Fide Journalism Man™!

No, Aunt Petricia, it would not be ethical for me to write an article about your famous beef stew, no matter how many it has inspired.

I really, really dislike this sign

This is not only wrong, but downright un-American. I refuse to elaborate on how.

A message from David Byrne

Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government.

Campus Times EXPOSED: Editors caught censoring real news, placing it in Humor

Editor-in-Chief Alyssa Koh has been working with University President Sarah Mangelsdorf to censor stories by placing them in the Humor section.

Campus Times makes terrible mistake, allows asexual man to write Valentine’s Day article*

Now, with the versatile new Nintendo Switch™ console, I can finally experience true emotional intimacy. And you can, too, for just $299.99!

Dozens pharbified in Eastman Quad terror attack, WRUR suspected culprit

All that could be heard was the sound of Phoebe Bridgers’s “Funeral,” distorted by the wind and the just-audible sobs of pharbified students crying in the bushes.