Archives - Caden Dillon

Stalking people on the Internet? You must be a Certified Bona Fide Journalism Man™!

No, Aunt Petricia, it would not be ethical for me to write an article about your famous beef stew, no matter how many it has inspired.

I really, really dislike this sign

This is not only wrong, but downright un-American. I refuse to elaborate on how.

A message from David Byrne

Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government.

Campus Times EXPOSED: Editors caught censoring real news, placing it in Humor

Editor-in-Chief Alyssa Koh has been working with University President Sarah Mangelsdorf to censor stories by placing them in the Humor section.

Campus Times makes terrible mistake, allows asexual man to write Valentine’s Day article*

Now, with the versatile new Nintendo Switch™ console, I can finally experience true emotional intimacy. And you can, too, for just $299.99!

Dozens pharbified in Eastman Quad terror attack, WRUR suspected culprit

All that could be heard was the sound of Phoebe Bridgers’s “Funeral,” distorted by the wind and the just-audible sobs of pharbified students crying in the bushes.

Please watch ‘Bigtop Burger.’ I am begging you.

If you aren’t watching Bigtop Burger, you should be. There is, quite frankly, no excuse not to watch it.

Pistachios becoming “disturbingly normalized,” warn centrists

“Finally, just in time for the midterms, they have something to unite them: disdain for the pistachio.”

Disgruntled professors launch “Rate My Students”

The courageous can head over to for a conclusive answer to a different question: Just how much do your professors hate your guts?