Wilco 103 fell into chaos Sunday afternoon when it was revealed junior and Campus Times Editor-in-Chief Alyssa Koh has, apparently ever since attaining the position in December 2021, been working with University President Sarah Mangelsdorf to censor less-than-savory stories by placing them in the Humor section on the sly.

Lilli Tamm, who authored November’s report on the Tun-Tunney Scary Dark Tunneling Tun-Tun Club’s brand-new tunnels connecting the tunnels — a valuable resource for students who don’t want to walk through a blizzard every afternoon — first suspected foul play when, weeks after publishing the article, the tunnel-tunnels remained largely empty, frequented only by the University elite. Her suspicions were confirmed in a conversation with junior Mila Bologna, whose article on Martin Scorsese’s 1973 film Goncharov mysteriously appeared in Humor a few weeks after Tamm’s. 

“I would watch [Goncharov] while sitting in the lap of my ailing father, Lorenzo Enrico Bologna, who has now passed,” says Bologna. “I remember once he turned to me and he said ‘Mila, things will be hard for you in this life. People will always assume you are less than you are. But Goncharov? That’s something no one can take away from you.’ When I saw my loving article had been published as ‘humor’ I cried for three days straight.”

Tamm and Bologna are far from the only individuals affected by this heinous breach of journalistic integrity. Remember the mass pharbing that took place on campus on Jan. 15? I do. But, because the University censored my article on the tragedy and refuses to acknowledge its existence, the vast majority of the student population has been gaslit to regard it as “humor.” Do you think laughing at a tragedy will make it go away, Sarah?

In addition to the harm done to CT’s writers, readers, and reputation, the incident has plunged the “news” outlet into a constitutional crisis. While most agree Koh and Mangelsdorf should face some kind of consequence for their heinous actions, opinions vary on what exactly those consequences should be. The CT constitution, meanwhile, offers no clear answer on the basis that there is no CT constitution. Not after the incident. (For more on the Great Google Drive Wars, see Bangalter & Bergensten, pg. 247.)

Tamm, for one, suggests removal from office, followed by “tarring and feathering, and then trap[ping] them in a dim room deep in the tunnels. They will have to write endless @Rochester update emails,” she continues, “which will never be published. Let them feel my pain. Let their frustration eat away their sense of self.”

On a more democratic note, sophomore and Humor Editor Bryan Burke — whose first forays into news, a Birding Club exposé and a piece on the Bee Incident, were both censored by a university afraid of damaging its image — feels the case “should be resolved in a court of students,” ideally with the entire student body present in person, although a “Zoom call or even a round of Kahoot” would suffice if necessary.

Finally, in the absence of constitution or precedent, some suggest the correct course of action is, in fact, to do nothing. It seems that this solves a number of problems, such as the CT having to actually address the fact that the presumed frontrunner for Editor-in-Chief in next year’s elections is a flagrant criminal. This, they tell me, is “politics.” I wouldn’t know.

However, dear readers, you may rest assured that this article has not been altered. I’m told it will be published as news — rightfully so — and the rest of the CT staff is keeping a very close eye on Koh to ensure she doesn’t try to pull a sneaky. In fact, to set the record straight as soon as possible, we’re printing this edition of the Campus Times a day early, on April 1. The truth will not be silenced. At long last, our writers will be taken as seriously as they deserve.

A complete list of affected News articles can be found below. The Campus Times expresses its sincerest apologies to those affected by the articles’ misleading placement in Humor.

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