An update to the previous thoughts.
After spending some alone time with rats over the summer, I have become a new man, and thus I have decided to channel my thoughts onto some more productive things.
First, you can no longer microwave forks to start fires. I know I know, it is disappointing. But you know what you can do? You can calculate the speed of light with it.
First, get something melty, like cheese, and spread it all over the microwave. Microwave it for a while and see where the cheese melts. This can show you the wavelength of the microwave. Lastly, find the frequency of your microwave and plug those two numbers into the wavelength formula, and you can find a fairly accurate speed of light.
Regarding the inability to smoke, I guess I’ve become a changed man. Why should I fear the attention the passerby gives me? I have found a new bridge to smoke under, and it has a lot more foot traffic than the place before. I have scared the shit out of pedestrians before, but now I can do it for good. Be the reason the couples hold hands when they go under bridges. I could make a business out of this.
Do you want your significant other to hold your hand when you go on midnight walks and are too afraid to ask? Stress no more. Give me the time and route of your walks, and I will pose as a homeless bum smoking on your trail, scaring your partner into holding hands with you. I’ll go with a $15 hourly rate, though better offers are welcome. (I guess I can say I’ve stopped using drugs for evil or good, unless you count profiting off the homies as an evil deed.)
I still love balls, especially the all-beef ones.
Chat GPT is now useless. They lobotomized an AI so it wouldn’t pose as your grandma and tell you a bedtime story about working in the napalm factory. We truly live in a society.
You no longer need to make thermite at home, you can buy it in coffee cans. But it is kinda steep — over six bucks for a can of self-heating coffee — and you will need to cut the coffee out.
It seems I finally found some success regarding defeating school locks. I bumped open my roommate’s door with my key during the first day of move-in, though I have been unable to recreate this effect. Who knows, maybe you can bump open yours too.
I have been informed that due to my previous comments regarding how my girlfriend
wanted to twist my balls off, I could not get my previous piece published in print. My girlfriend was not happy with how they censored the part about her cock plushie, and has threatened about pushing twisting my balls off up the timeline. Thank the gods that I have practiced for this exact scenario during the summer by playing multiple sessions of Classic BattleTech(CBT).
I have no more piss story, at least not anything that comes to mind at the moment.
An amendment to previous statements regarding GFCIs (ground-fault circuit interrupter circuit breakers): it seems that one just needs to be in the same room as a water source for the room to be up to code, as my current bedroom does not have GFCIs even though it is definitely close to a water source.
Another amendment to the previous statement. It seems now the Chemistry department values the students more than mole rats, but values chemicals above students; I guess this is understandable as the students are probably worth more to the Biology department when expired.
According to my lawyer, I am not allowed to further inquire the difference between yarmulkes and skull caps.
I have become sleepy the goer to bed.