Humor
cake
Research proves birthdays are fake
Not only are birthdays fake, but also they suck. If your birthday falls on an important holiday, you’re cooked. Nobody cares about you! Read More
bacterium
Breaking: new bacterium discovered in first-year communal bathrooms
The bacterium — officially dubbed Gilbertella freshmanii — appears to thrive under conditions researchers describe as “uniquely vile,” feeding on shaved pubes, three-month-old Axe body spray residue, and perpetually damp towels. Read More
meatball sub
The riddle of the kiosk
I was soothed only by the feeling of security that came with knowing nobody else could take my 2FA-protected sandwich. Read More
2 a.m. ramen
2 a.m. ramen cures everything and solves your problems
A single cup of 2 a.m. ramen has the power to cure seasonal depression, fix your failing GPA, and reignite your Welcome Week situationship. Read More
condiments
Sausage fingers
are the fingers edible? Why are their mouths frothing with mustard and ketchup? Are the hotdogs spraying out ketchup? Read More
all-American white man
The 5 steps to wokeness recovery
I was once a gay man, but thanks to the five steps of wokeness recovery, I am now an all-American white man. Read More
