Humor
Humor
A treatment for freshmanitis: Some tips for freshman year
Freshmanitis is an extremely contagious and potentially lethal condition if left untreated. However, as someone who has personally experienced this crippling disease, I have a few remedies that may ease some of the symptoms. Notice how I didn’t mention that the disease is curable. It has been the consensus of many scientists that freshmanitis generally […]
Humor
Seligman speechless before Convocation
Loosening his blue-and-yellow diamond-patterned necktie and easing comfortably into his leather wingback armchair, UR President Joel Seligman was shaken out of his brief pre-Convocation respite by the realization that he had forgotten to compose his speech. Seligman groaned, digging the bases of his palms into his temples. He glanced at his watch: 20 minutes until […]
Humor
Parents unappreciative of UR wordplay
With this most recent school year concluding, college and the opportunities it presents appear to be winding down for the majority of graduates. For example, just these past couple of weeks, I saw numerous students finishing their research regarding what that bright ball of light in the sky was; it is confirmed to be the […]
Humor
Advice for those who need it
Right now, a bunch of seniors are preparing to graduate, and they are probably asking themselves, “Where did the time go?” This is a good question. A question they probably aren’t asking is, “Hey, I wonder if Chris has any advice for the real world?” Well, if you didn’t ask that question, then I have […]
Humor
The end of an era
As the semester comes to an end and our beloved mascots begin to become a nuisance to campus picnics, two things are clear: the weather is too hot (I never thought I’d say that in Rochester), and a senior class will retire from its undergraduate college days to make room for incoming freshmen. Now if […]
Humor
In a campus far, far away
“I love you,” Susan B. Anthony said, staring into George Eastman’s eyes as he stood on the platform, ready to be lowered into the carbonite freezing chamber. “I know,” Eastman replied, as a slight suggestion of a smile appeared on his lips. The floor began to sink beneath him. This might be his last mistake, […]
Humor
SA IMPACT
I know that you know that I know that you know about the SA IMPACT program, which gives students the opportunity to make a petition and attempt to implement an idea into student life. At first, I was slightly skeptical of the idea (I don’t like change unless it’s written by David Bowie), but after […]
Humor
Dear Chris: Common problems asked and answered
Dear Chris: I’m in this class and I absolutely love it. However, there aren’t any other classes related to it so this will be it. What should I do? -From, Passionate Chris: Well, when people are really in love with something, they will do crazy things. That’s why I say that you should just try […]
Humor
We need a hero; we need Phil Collins
If you are a ‘90s baby, odds are that you’ve seen Disney’s “Tarzan.” This movie is where I first found my true love. It was not Jane. Rather, it was with the angel whowas responsible for the whole movie’s soundtrack. That man is Phil Collins. If you don’t know who Phil Collins is, Google him. […]
Humor
To be or not to be a fan of the Buffalo Sabres
I’m in a seat, surrounded by 18,690 strangers with one thing in common. We want what’s best for Buffalo Sabres hockey. Notice, though that I didn’t say we wanted the Sabres to win. Tonight is one of the last home games of the season against a talented Chicago Blackhawks squad. The Sabres have found themselves […]
