Narratives

Franklin and the chocolate factory

“Here we are,” said Scott Mistler-Ferguson, humor editor of the Campus Times, “this is the production room. This is where all the magic happens.” Read More

I hate, therefore I am

Over winter break, in between stuffing my face with Christmas cookies and binge-watching episodes of “Glee,” I managed to read an entire book. Read More

My brilliant but boycotted birthday bash

Ever since I turned nine my birthdays have gone downhill, all because some kids at school decided to boycott my birthday party. Read More

A note from your housemates

Things are going to have to change between us now. Read More

Divorcing the iPhone

I am proud to say I recently accomplished what few have managed to do before me. I left the iPhone. Read More

Forget Canada, move to Africa

A lot of my American friends have been talking about moving to Canada if the big orange dictator with tiny hands wins the next election, but I think there are better destinations out there. Read More

The man cold

Listen up, folks. We’re six whole weeks into the first semester, and it’s time to prepare yourself for the worst. Read More

Master of trains

You may ask : What does it take to become the Master of Trains? Read More

It’s okay to wear fur

When I purchase Sperrys, no one reminds me that a cow had to die for my shoes. Read More

My demonic pet hamster

I was dead-set on getting a hamster. Read More