Narratives

An interview with the murderer of that kid who asks unrelated questions in lecture to seem smart

A kid who always asked unrelated questions in lecture was probably murdered last week. Now I’ve got an exclusive interview with the suspected killer. Read More

The Demon Girl Who Lives in the Tunnels: Sick as Hell

Being sick as a demon is about as close to Hell as you can get. Imagine a fever when your normal internal body temperature is just 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Read More

The wolf t-shirt you got from the cousin who likes magic tricks and theme parks

Cousin Rick likes magic tricks and Six Flags. He owns three Fushigis. He lives más. And now he's gone and bought you a shirt. Read More

Ken Jennings crowned king of ‘Jeopardy!,’ becomes vaguely famous

Jennings defeated longtime rival Brad Rutter and newcomer James Holzhauer, and is now even occasionally recognized when walking down the street.  Read More

Demon Girl: Arizona isn’t Hell, but it’s almost as hot

Shoutout to the three Customs and Border Protection agents whose souls we ate. Sometimes you just need a little junk food. Read More

The Demon Girl Who Lives in the Tunnels: Thanksgiving in Hell is Hell

How is a demon supposed to enjoy the holidays when meat is not present? Nothing personal, Beelzebub, but we know you’re the one who went vegan. Read More

The Demon Girl Who Lives in the Tunnels: Satanic snowday!

Raised in the warm bowels of Hell, the coldest I ever got was when they blasted the AC in Hellementary School. But that doesn't mean I wasted my snow day! Read More

Wil reviews Halloween temporary tattoos and finds the void

Halloween has been over for a week, yet the tats remain steadfast on my arm, like the holiday's last great attempt to rage against the dying of the light.  Read More

Inspiring: My roommate has kept a sailboat parked in our driveway for over a year

I was able to secure an exclusive interview with this nautical visionary to figure out just how he pulled off such a feat in on-land docking. Read More

CT Spooky: The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad frat party line

As the students slowly converged around the dark porch, a voice of authority made his will known. “Get the fuck off the porch or nobody is getting in!” Read More