Hi! I’m Nix, the demon girl who lives by that super hot spot in the tunnels. Everyone thinks I’m the Devil, but they’re wrong — I’m just your everyday college demon girl who’s here to study every subject her heart desires. I write because being the only demon girl on campus is a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun experiences I want to share!

I must begin this entry with an apology to my fans. 

I was supposed to have an article out last week. I had prepared stories of souls traded for chem exam grades or mid-year e-board election outcomes. 

Instead, I got sick.

Being sick as a demon is about as close to Hell as you can get. Imagine a fever when your normal internal body temperature is just below the boiling point of water. I’ll spare you the details, but I had to go through a lot of moisturizer.

You have no idea how difficult it is to go out and consume people’s souls when sick. Everyone wants to avoid you for fear of catching the plague. One cough and suddenly you’re the only person in a 100-foot radius in the painted tunnel. Sniffle a little and you have half the classroom to yourself. While I value my personal space, y’all need to calm down! It’s not like you’re just going to get sick just by looking at me. I am not a Medusa.

Honestly, I’m pretty surprised I didn’t get people coming to me last week trying to sell a portion of their souls in order to not get sick this flu season. I don’t know what’s happened to this campus. A few years ago, everybody was coming to me just to avoid norovirus. Now, it’s like no one cares. Whatever happened to “Ever Better?”

The worst part is that in avoiding me, the student body only made me stay sick longer. Souls are one of the most nutritious foods for demons, and not having any is like getting sick and only eating chocolate. You feel grosser. You feel like you’re dying. And yes, as a demon, I know what dying feels like. It’s not fun. 0/10. I don’t recommend it at all.

So what did I learn from all this? One, it’s never good to miss your flu shot for the year. Two, I should keep extra soul juice on tap for emergencies. And three, y’all care more about whether the people around you are sick than you do about your grades. I had only one taker, Alice, who “coincidentally” sold their soul to me on Thursday and then aced their exam on Friday. Good luck, everyone else who passed on selling their soul to me last week. May the curves be ever in your favor.

LSU-Iowa matchup unexpectedly captivates Women’s Basketball

In lieu of the perennial powerhouses, Iowa and LSU made their first appearances in the national championship.

Acta, non verba

You bring the University value and add the dollar signs to the piece of paper they sell to thousands of families every year. Without you, this school is worthless. 

University removes meal plan Option D

In accordance with new federal regulations concerning food and housing costs, the University will be removing meal plan Option D…