Satire
netizens
Calls for female celebrity to be publicly decapitated ring out
I think Lisa should be forced on her knees and decapitated with a samurai sword in front of a popcorn-chewing audience for what she has done. Read More
2018 Chevrolet Traverse
Woman with “my other car is a cat” bumper sticker terrifies gun-wielding ICE agent
Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, Landon Smith, suffered a severe panic attack at the sight of a local woman driving in his general direction Read More
all-American white man
The 5 steps to wokeness recovery
I was once a gay man, but thanks to the five steps of wokeness recovery, I am now an all-American white man. Read More
anarchy
They’re Watching
It’s time for us to make a move against the government and their bug-bird army. Read More
Barry Manilow
Her Name Was Rosemary! She Was an “It”-Girl!
What have we gained from this? I ask this genuinely, because I do not know. If we are Sisyphus, Party School is our rock. Read More
fear not our benevolent creator
Gender vs. God: Tips and tricks to escape the vengeful hand of a benevolent omnipotent being
Passover is underway, and if you are unlucky enough to be male, goy, and firstborn, it is a truly terrifying time indeed. Read More
conspiracy!
A message from David Byrne
Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government. Read More
April Fool's
Same soup, just reheated: the URTV soup story
“The main reaction was confusion.” What they really learned, adds Chang, is “before anyone can know anything, they always ask, ‘What flavor?’” Read More
ai
Chat GPT reviews the Campus Times
The Campus Times is a student-run newspaper that has been serving the University of Rochester community since 1873. The newspaper covers a wide range of topics, including news, features, opinion pieces, sports, arts, and culture. The newspaper is published weekly during the academic year and is available in print and online. One of the standout […]
elvis
ELVIS WINS BEST PICTURE! LUHRMANN MISSES DICAPRIO!
Austin Butler won an Oscar for his role in “Elvis,” but there must have been someone, or something, missing for Luhrmann. My guess is Leonardo DiCaprio. Read More
