Humor
Humor
A look at people in history who deserve some credit
I just finished watching “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer”, and I think the McGraw-Hill textbooks really missed some important facts about Lincoln. Thanks to Lincoln, the United States avoided a huge vampire takeover. Why is this overlooked? The 16th president deserves some credit—after all, he saved the entire country from one real pain in the neck. […]
Humor
Fictitious letter from a man stranded in Atlantic
Call me Ishmael. Just kidding, my name is Herman. Whomever reads this message that I have put into a bottle, I am stranded out in the middle of the Atlantic, and I can guarantee that you and I are not in the same boat. I ran out of Doritos about an hour ago and all […]
Humor
Students sober, parents outraged
Every spring , UR holds Dandelion Day (D-Day, as it is more commonly known), a day where students come together out from the darkness of the tunnels to enjoy the sun and socialize. Recently, there has been a lack of participation amongst students. Students tend to stay indoors, opting to study for exams rather than […]
Humor
Hotline Rochester: Redux
I was at my apartment, lying on my couch with images of the rooster and the biker still in my head. “Sussudio,” by Phil Collins was playing in the background to help clear my mind. His solo career was more commercial and more satisfying to me, but in a narrower way. My phone started ringing […]
Humor
Joel Seligman: A candid encounter
I saw Joel Seligman at the CVS on Mt. Hope Avenue yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. “Oh, like you’re doing now?” he asked me. I was taken aback, and […]
Humor
Ang Lee probes bestiality in ‘Life of Pi’ sequel
Director Ang Lee has decided to return to “Life of Pi” after its massive box-office success in 2012. The sequel, Lee shared, will start off where the previous movie left off. “Pi returns to the island where the tiger Richard Parker left him,” Lee said. “Once Pi finds him, he develops a new complex love […]
Humor
Hotline Rochester: A prelude
Relatively late Monday night, a number of my droogs and I went to the presidential mansion. We were searching for something greater than ourselves, greater than everything and everyone. We were in search of Joel. There were mind-altering agents. The first inclination that something was going awry was the giant walrus that leaped out one […]
Humor
Seligman ‘perplexed’ by CT
In an exclusive interview with the Campus Times, University President Joel Seligman expressed utter confusion over his disproportionate representation in the Humor section. “Quite frankly, I’m perplexed,” Seligman said. In the past year, the CT has lampooned Seligman through numerous cartoons and fake news articles, many of which conflate Seligman with questionable behaviors and people. […]
