I just finished watching “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer”, and I think the McGraw-Hill textbooks really missed some important facts about Lincoln. Thanks to Lincoln, the United States avoided a huge vampire takeover. Why is this overlooked? The 16th president deserves some credit—after all, he saved the entire country from one real pain in the neck.

Next, I’d like to praise anyone who didn’t help navigate the Titanic. The individuals who directed the ship really got to the bottom of their problem. The people who deemed the ship as unsinkable definitely spoke too soon. And if they are looking for a good drink to swallow their pride with, nothing goes down better with ice than the Titanic.

UR students deserve some credit. Walking to class has been brutally cold lately—it’s like March of the Penguins out here.

Another group of people who deserve some more credit were the makers of the American Revolution—themed movie “The Patriot”. I don’t know how I am the only person who is amazed by this feat. Weren’t video cameras not invented for another hundred years or so? The fact that they were able to record actual footage of the Revolutionary War is phenomenal.

Animal control on Birdwell Island should be credited for their patience. It must have been so tempting to try and prevent Clifford the Big Red Dog from trotting around the island. You would think that Emily Elizabeth’s parents would have at least sent Clifford, Mac, Cleo, and T-Bone to see Dr. Dolittle. Oh well. Unfortunately, this suggestion seems to fall into the “dolittle-dolate” category.

Lastly, Shepard Smith is an inspirational figure in our present day society. It can’t be easy having a show that no one cares about.

Horgan is a member of

the class of 2017.

Modern Jazz and Laufey’s permanent mark

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