Early Monday morning, UR President Joel Seligman announced that the Campus Times had received “an award.”

Though the award credits all the sections of the paper, it highlights the CT’s pitch-perfect ethics and opinions section.

The award also credits various editors, who remain unnamed, for not including header lines on the tops of their pages.

“It feels good to be appreciated,” one editor who refused to be named said.

Seligman announced the awards in a live webcast that highlighted all of the CT’s sections.

“For one, the news section does a fantastic job taking events from UR press releases and spins them like a DJ.”

“Independendent journalism is great, especially when the students are propogandizing themselves,” Seligman noted.

“Nobody really knows what the purpose of the CT’s Features section is, but the articles on how to have sex are riveting and all are well written.”

“The Humor section’s obsession with the persona of all that is Joel [the man, the myth, the mystery] is pretty spot on.

“Reading the Arts and Entertainment section   is entertainment in and of itself. Pretention and hipsterdom are the true direction journalism is going, and the editors are doing a fantastic job at furthering that,” Seligman noted.

“The fact that the CT has a sports section at all reflects [badly] on the general campus at large,” remarked Seligman.

“Who the [fuck] plays sports at this school?”

Schaffer is a member of

the class of 2016.

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