Humor
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A new poll finds that 21 percent of students at Harvard are virgins. Sounds like homework isn’t the only thing students are doing. 2. The UN panel has advised nations to invest in preparing for “irreversible” effects from global warming. After some debate as to what topic to address first, the UN agreed this […]
Humor
Starbucks to release ‘steamy’ new compilation CD
UR Starbucks has announced its plan to create a compilation CD with self-described “tastemakers” WRUR. The disc will reportedly cross into the avant-garde as it attempts to chronicle “all those times that annoying person in front of you in line complains about a given first-world problem.” Experts in the fledgling Eastman “School” have described the […]
Humor
Could be a coincidence
I’ve been at UR for a little while now. That being said, I haven’t been able to get over some things that seem too suspicious to be purely coincidental. For example, a lot of people in charge have the first name “Dean” for some reason. Let’s see, there’s Dean Burgett, Dean Burdick… Another thing is […]
Humor
Democrats initiate new ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ for Mid-term Elections
With mid-term elections arriving in less than a week, Democrats are strategizing to prevent the imminent Republican majority control of both houses of Congress. Historically unable to sustain turnout in the boring elections, party leaders have chosen the viral ice bucket challenge as their trump card this November. Fearful that Republican- controlled Congress could squander […]
Humor
Poking fun at the news
1. A Pennsylvanian man is in trouble for painting his town’s Main Street. All he wanted to do was brush it up a little. 2. A woman was arrested for illegal entry after being found in her ex’s chimney. She is claiming that she was in the wrong fireplace at the wrong time. 3. A […]
Humor
Freshmen claim Hillside is too far away…from Sue B
Recently, a number of freshmen living in Susan B. Anthony Hall have been upset over how far the residence halls within the building from the Hillside POD. A record number of students (four) attended a recent Hall Council meeting (Editor’s Note: we checked, and these meetings apparently do actually exist. Quorum, it turns out is […]
Humor
A eulogy for my GPA
Friends, Yellowjackets, classmates, lend me your ear! I come to bury my GPA, not get it back to a reasonable level. The procrastination that men do lives after them; The motivation is oft left somewhere else. So let it be with my GPA. The noble Seligman Has told you my GPA was salvageable: If it […]
Humor
Renaming Meliora Weekend
Following the ribbon cutting at College Town, President Seligman made an important announcement which few people heard due to the roar of students picketing Barnes and Noble because of its distance from campus. As people rushed into the bookstore Friday for its grand opening, even though it had been open the whole week, Seligman made […]
Humor
Girl has existential crisis at first floor vending machine
This past Thursday, Allison Smith made her usual weekly trip to the laundry room. As she began to head back to her dorm room, she passed two vending machines, conveniently placed adjacent to the laundry room. She paused, looked around for a brief moment, and decided to get something. She initially wanted Grandma’s Cookies, which […]
Humor
Girl goes to the library, gets nothing done
A freshman girl had been studying for a few hours in her room when she decided that she needed some fresh air and human interaction. She decided to go to Gleason Library to continue working and maybe socialize a little. After gathering her books together and plugging her headphones in, the student didn’t feel weird […]
