This past Thursday, Allison Smith made her usual weekly trip to the laundry room. As she began to head back to her dorm room, she passed two vending machines, conveniently placed adjacent to the laundry room. She paused, looked around for a brief moment, and decided to get something. She initially wanted Grandma’s Cookies, which are arguably the best cookies in the universe, but, as time progressed, Smith realized that she couldn’t make up her mind.

“Should I get something else?” she asked herself. “Is this the University’s way of making me gain the Freshman 15? Is this the illuminati? Do I really want anything at all? Should I really spend my flex on this?”

After 15 minutes of thinking, waiting, and ultimately panicking, Smith gave up and returned to her dorm room empty-handed.

Peters  is a member of
the class of 2018.



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