Friends, Yellowjackets, classmates, lend me your ear!
I come to bury my GPA, not get it back to a reasonable level.
The procrastination that men do lives after them;
The motivation is oft left somewhere else.
So let it be with my GPA. The noble Seligman
Has told you my GPA was salvageable:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath my professors answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Seligman and the rest—
For Seligman is an honorable man.
Come I to speak at my GPA’s funeral.
It, my GPA, was my faithful friend; frustrating, but only to me;
But Seligman says it’s salvageable;
And indeed, Seligman is an honorable man.
He hath greatly increased the size of the student body.
Did this in my GPA seem salvageable?
When the GPAs of others dipped, mine didst swan-dive
A salvageable GPA should be made of stronger stuff;
Yet Seligman claims it is salvageable.
I speak not to disprove what Seligman spoke
But here I am to lament what I know
You all did believe in my GPA once, and not without cause
What cause, then, stops you from simply mourning it?
O Blackboard.edu! Thou art a cruel bitch.
Bear with me.
My scholarship is in the coffin there with my GPA
And I must hurry to Danforth ‘till it come back to me.
Bernstein is a member of
the class of 2018.
