1. A Pennsylvanian man is in trouble for painting his town’s Main Street.
All he wanted to do was brush it up a little.
2. A woman was arrested for illegal entry after being found in her ex’s chimney.
She is claiming that she was in the wrong fireplace at the wrong time.
3. A man was arrested for digging up a grave to steal the body’s gold teeth.
He is being charged with peteeth larceny.
4. After tedious research, a new study has given insight into polio eradication.
It’s about time. This one’s been getting on a bunch of people’s nerves.
5. A Canadian man was injured while smoking marijuana after falling off a boulder, only then to have the boulder roll over his leg.
Unfortunately, he was too stoned to comment.
6. A youth football team is upset, claiming that their opponents were over-age and too mature, thus giving them an unfair advantage.
Their opponents countered, “We don’t see what the problem is, you guys haven’t dropped a ball yet.”
7. Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle recently encouraged young women to “not vote” and to “go back on Tinder.”
Hopefully this encourages more women into the house…and the Senate.
8. Former SC GOP director, Todd Kincannon, tweeted that “people with Ebola in the US need to be humanely put down immediately.”
Lucky for him, that punishment doesn’t exist for ignorance.
9. A teen is in trouble for accidently taking pictures of himself selling Adderall.
“No, you got it all wrong. The Adderall is for my camera, it won’t stay focused,” the teen said in a last ditch effort.
10. A horse in Phoenix was rescued after it jumped into a pool.
“I’m a seahorse, I’m a seahorse,” the horse kept repeating while being treated for schizophrenia.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.
