UR Starbucks has announced its plan to create a compilation CD with self-described “tastemakers” WRUR. The disc will reportedly cross into the avant-garde as it attempts to chronicle “all those times that annoying person in front of you in line complains about a given first-world problem.”

Experts in the fledgling Eastman “School” have described the CD as a “…revision of what we believe popular music and popularity are at their core.” In addition, “By adding subtle coffee-maker drones, and, more broadly field recordings, to the disc,” UR Institute for Popular Music Founder and Director John Covach argues, “the disc, as a whole work, is one of the fundamentally representative pieces of art that this generation has produced. Burned into the listener’s eardrums are the unconscious disquiet of consumption and capitalist power structures in general. The sorority ethos has been broken down, and what lives in its place is chaos.”

Covach proceeded to show off his Starbucks cover band. This was not especially surprising, given his propensity to perform in various cover bands as part of Institute for Popular Music events.

The CD reportedly contains “steamy” recordings of multiple members of the Sigma Phi Epsilon discussing the directions they believe campus fashion will go, as well as an “eargasmic” conversation in which UR President Joel Seligman discusses his love for the selfies and cat photos posted on the @WeAreUofR Instagram account.

UR President Joel Seligman was not available for comment.

Schaffer is a member of
the class of 2016.



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