Humor
Chris Horgan
Thanksgiving from the perspective of a turkey
Alright, I get it. It’s that time of year again and it looks as if it is all going to end for me. Last year, my fellow turkeys and I bought deer costumes to wear in order to disguise ourselves during hunting season. It didn’t end well. I would like to make some suggestions to […]
Chris Horgan
Poking fun at the news
1. A woman in Wichita left her bedroom late at night to find a burglar eating cookie dough from her freezer. She described him as a blue-ish creature that wouldn’t stop saying, “me want cookie.” She said there was also a grouch in the garbage who got away, but fortunately the cat killed the bird. […]
Erik Chiodo
The cold is here to stay, but so am I
As the winter draws nearer, I find it increasing harder to get out of bed in the morning. If you are new to Rochester and are curious about how bad the weather can get, take it from me when I tell you that it gets pretty damn cold. So cold that by the time I […]
Erik Chiodo
A letter to UR students
Dear Fellow Yellow Jackets, I would like to take the time to formally apologize in advance for any humor that I attempt. As a person who was raised in a conservative environment, I don’t have much exposure to humor, so I find it a tad ironic that I’m contributing to this section. I would also […]
Chris Horgan
I don’t think anyone wants to do homework on Sunday
Trying to get work done on a Sunday is as pointless as having the Doctor regenerate into a baby. The TARDIS would require a total makeover, and every character would have to attach themselves to booster seats before traveling through time. But who knows, maybe by the end of the baby’s tenure as the Doctor, […]
Humor
UR to build canals across campus in place of sidewalks
University administrators unveiled an ambitious new project on Monday, when they announced plans for all campus sidewalks to be torn up and replaced with Venice, Italy-style canals. Maintenance costs for the current sidewalks have become far too high, UR Facilities said in a press release. The press release went on to say that repairing potholes, […]
Humor
Four ways to improve your always improving Yik Yak game
Many people, mainly freshmen, have come and asked me to provide some helpful insight to improve their “Yik Yak” game. I avoided doing this for a while–a magician doesn’t reveal his secrets–but certainly I was pressurized. Thus, I reveal to you my dear “yakers,” the secrets to increase your upvote average (and inherently your self-confidence, […]
Grace Peters
Weekly weather report
This Tuesday, we can expect clear, sunny skies and a high of 66 degrees. A little odd for November, perhaps, but I’m not complaining. Wednesday’s prediction drops down from Tuesday’s to a chillier 46 degrees with scattered clouds. Sounds more like Rochester weather to me - definitely more expected. Thursday, we will have a predicted […]
Chris Horgan
10 ways to make politics better
1. Make Obama follow through with the change thing. Yesterday, I was at the Pit, and I was short 30 cents for my salad – where was Obama to provide the change? Also, change ObamaCare to ObamaCares – it just sounds less like caveman. 2. Instead of making students take the SAT’s to get […]
Chris Horgan
Some ways to make your losing NFL team better
We are midway through the NFL season and some teams are not doing so well. Here are my suggestions to help those teams tackle their problems. 1. Hire Shakespeare as your offensive and defensive coordinator. If you want to win, you need creativity to keep the other team guessing. Who better to write and call […]
