Here’s a little holiday tale to clear some things up a little bit. You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you really know Rudolph? My name is Dasher and I’m one of Santa’s reindeer. Life is great as a reindeer. We get to work out at the North Pole all year, and we get the most amazing meals. However, there’s one thing I thought should be addressed. Every year, we hear this song about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. How all of the reindeer made fun of him, and how no one liked him. But that’s because he’s a complete punk. Last Christmas, Rudolph put a bunch of laxatives in our trough. Thanks to Rudolph, Santa wasn’t the only thing dropping in people’s chimneys. I also want to clear up why we don’t let Rudolph play in any games. First of all, the reindeer like to play hide and go seek at night whenever we see some hunters up north. Rudolph wasn’t always the only reindeer flying up front you know. If Rudolph’s nose wasn’t so bright while we were hiding behind some trees, we’d still have Hank, whom because of the shot has earned the nickname red chested reindeer. Plus, Rudolph is a suck up, so the song should instead be, “Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer.” Nevertheless, we have to put up with him every holiday season. So whenever you start singing that jingle, just know that Rudolph isn’t the greatest reindeer of all.
Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017