Humor
Humor
Self-driving cars suck
What’s the deal with these autonomous cars, self-driving cars for the layman? When I first heard about these self-driving cars, my first reaction was one of shock, horror, and “Gosh, this is stupid.” Sure, it’s pretty neat that car manufacturers are endorsing innovation through technological advancements, but it seems to me that self-driving cars are […]
Humor
A pain in the glass
I’ve made a grave error. During Winter Break, I went for an annual eye checkup and was given the option to pick out new glasses. I decided on a spiffy-looking pair of Ray-Bans. Fair enough, right? Well, the next question the lady asked me threw me for a loop. She suggested that instead of the […]
Horgan
Poking fun at the news
1. A new study finds that a burger for lunch reduces 30 minutes a day off your life. Confirming that fast food puts the “eat” in death. 2. Researchers have discovered a drug that could assist mice immune systems in finding and destroying HIV infected cells. Will they find it? I’d say so, it’s in […]
Madeline Blackburn
UR is where the heart is
Following several emails from her mother demanding that she explain her life choices paired with numerous stern emails from Hingham Savings reminding her of her negative bank balance, freshman Madeline Blackburn is refusing to let the stress of the real world dim her holiday spirits. “I can’t wait to get home and see my family. […]
Bob Dylan
A Christmas album that won’t warm your heart
It’s that time of year again, when holiday music begins to play-thank you Star 102.5, a reference that Western New Yorkers will understand—and college students everywhere start counting down to a much needed break…from having a delightful time sitting in lectures and preparing for finals, right? Anyhow, after hearing a massive amount of holiday music […]
Chiodo
There’s snow way it’s already here
I never understand why everyone is so happy for snow. For the seasoned veterans who have dealt with Rochester’s winters before, we know that when the first major snowfall rolls around, winter is here to stay. After conducting some research, I was able to come up with a useful formula for predicting how long Rochester’s […]
Red-Nosed
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Here’s a little holiday tale to clear some things up a little bit. You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you really know Rudolph? My name is Dasher and I’m one of Santa’s reindeer. Life is great as a reindeer. We get to work […]
Chris Horgan
Thanksgiving from the perspective of a turkey
Alright, I get it. It’s that time of year again and it looks as if it is all going to end for me. Last year, my fellow turkeys and I bought deer costumes to wear in order to disguise ourselves during hunting season. It didn’t end well. I would like to make some suggestions to […]
Chris Horgan
Poking fun at the news
1. A woman in Wichita left her bedroom late at night to find a burglar eating cookie dough from her freezer. She described him as a blue-ish creature that wouldn’t stop saying, “me want cookie.” She said there was also a grouch in the garbage who got away, but fortunately the cat killed the bird. […]
Erik Chiodo
The cold is here to stay, but so am I
As the winter draws nearer, I find it increasing harder to get out of bed in the morning. If you are new to Rochester and are curious about how bad the weather can get, take it from me when I tell you that it gets pretty damn cold. So cold that by the time I […]