1. A new poll finds that 21 percent of students at Harvard are virgins. 

Sounds like homework isn’t the only thing students are doing.

2. The UN panel has advised nations to invest in preparing for “irreversible” effects from global warming. 

After some debate as to what topic to address first, the UN agreed this one would break the ice.

3. A Michigan couple is getting married after collectively losing 380 pounds.

It looks like neither the man nor the woman wanted to invest any weight in this relationship.

4. A man is relieved after physically removing his wife’s wedding ring just after his donkey swallowed it.

He definitely pulled this one out of his ass.

5. A weather man was caught on live television urinating in some bushes. 

He did say there was a chance of precipitation.

6. NFL star Adrian Peterson has now reached a plea deal on a lesser charge in his child-abuse case.

This is good news for the Vikings because they could use someone to beat the Bears this week.

7. A rare fanged deer has been found roaming the Middle East, causing some to  call it ‘Vampire Bambi.”

As the vampire deer approaches the back of the vehicle… “That’s odd, I didn’t see it in the mirror.”

8. A truck slammed into South Glastonbury church over the weekend.

The priest came out to help but soon gave up after realizing the vehicle wasn’t convertible.

9. Heavy flooding is starting to cause damage in the south of France.

And it’s driving everyone in-Seine.

10. In Baltimore, golf is being seen as a way to help juvenile offenders.

The game gives these young kids stars to look up to. Such as Tiger Woods for marriage values, or Dustin Johnson for avoiding drug use.

Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.



Poking fun at the news

For graduated senior Helen Jackson, who hadn’t been able to go home for breaks for the past two years, these last few months have been a much-needed break. “I’m moving halfway across the country in July for my PhD program, so I probably won’t be able to come home very often after this,” she said. Read More

Poking fun at the news

However, recent student protests are considerably less effective than they used to be. According to The American Prospect, there were far fewer young attendees to the most recent round of No Kings marches in proportion to the attendance of older generations. Read More

Poking fun at the news

As per tradition, “The State of the Campus Times” updates readers on our affairs — the Editor-in-Chief (EIC) and Publisher write this pseudo-column at the start and end of every semester to articulate the struggles and joys found through managing your local student-run newspaper. We also introduce ourselves and our projects, what we hope to achieve during our terms, and we provide progress updates regarding past management’s pursuits. Read More