Humor

Broken records

With his alarm blasting, head ringing, and heart sinking, senior Erik Franclin dragged himself out of bed. Read More

Security commission recommends arming Seligman

“We’re hoping this will really cut down on underage drinking on campus.” Read More

Arson bill gets burned

Late Friday night, the U.S. House of Representatives brought down a bill to ban Arson® brand lighter fluid in a straight party-line vote. Read More

The importance of flossing

You see, I have nice teeth. Like, REALLY nice teeth. Read More

The CrossFit cult

The summer before I entered eighth grade, my dad made the executive decision to immerse our family in a cult. Read More

Trump v. Yeezy 2020: A Bernie voter’s look back at 2016

This week, Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Ryan Seacrest sits down for an interview with “Whitey McLiberal,” a voter who wrote in Bernie Sanders in 2016, allowing Donald Trump to narrowly defeat Hillary Clinton. Read More

Examples of how I don’t know what I’m doing

Can I please be a dancing, Hebrew-speaking, brain-researching, religious-sex-expert please? Anyone hiring? Read More

Closing remarks

Friends and loyal reader, this will be last piece of work as a “humor” writer for the Campus Times. Read More

Poking fun at the news: Hulu, Obama, and Tracy McGrady

Tracy McGrady recently stated that Steph Curry’s unanimous MVP win is proof that the NBA is softer than it used to be. Yes, the NBA is too soft for a guy who’s name sounds like a Dr. Seuss character. Read More

Poking fun at the news: Easter Bunny brawl, Yoda, and the U.S. Navy

While playing in a game, English soccer player Callum Camps was notified by the PA announcer that his car lights were on. Camps said he didn’t turn his lights off—because he couldn’t use his hands. Read More