Humor
condiments
Sausage fingers
are the fingers edible? Why are their mouths frothing with mustard and ketchup? Are the hotdogs spraying out ketchup? Read More
all-American white man
The 5 steps to wokeness recovery
I was once a gay man, but thanks to the five steps of wokeness recovery, I am now an all-American white man. Read More
donald trump
Donald Trump’s quest for world peace
Donald Trump’s foreign policy approach is to “shout loudly and grab your small dick; *they’ll* go far.” Read More
D-Day
Following D-Day example, University professor tries to bag the huzz
Rattled by Pope Francis’ death, 89-year-old University professor Ben Dover decided the only way to find peace was to watch this year’s D-Day performer, Ferg. He later recounted to the CT that this was a great decision, as he quickly got over his grief when he “saw the huzz.” “In my old age, I just […]
bathroom creatures
Showerhead danger
Bathrooms are dangerous. That is a fact. There are many things that could go incredibly wrong in a bathroom. Whether it’s drowning in a toilet, drowning in the sink, drowning in the shower, or the worst of the all: slipping when getting out of the shower and hitting your head on the opposing wall which […]
brain wrinkles
Roachester’s new delicacy
Now, the next time you get charged by a roach after entering Simon Business School or have to play with way-too-small beetles, just scoop them up with your hand, roast them, and now you have a perfect meal to enjoy. Read More
Midterms
Top 5 Campus Napping Spots
And here’s another perk: You also get to wake up in a surprisingly new location every time — teleportation style. Read More
Campus Times
Support the Student Newspaper
Help wanted! After everyone’s mass resignation event during the production of our previous issue, the Campus Times is now in shambles. Read More